I want to write, but the only thing on my mind is the relationship status I have posted on my Facebook: “Single”.
This past week I went to Reno for a company meeting. On the first night there we had a welcome reception. Everyone and their spouses attended for appetizers, drinks, and socializing. I ran into a plant manager that I worked for a few years ago. He introduced me to his wife and then asked if I brought anyone with me. No, I didn’t. Do I ever?
A few weeks ago a friend made a passing comment about how content I was and how at peace I seemed when it came to relationships. Perhaps I am content at times, but inwardly I rollercoaster over the reality of my singleness. There are days and times when do feel at peace reflecting on my lack of romantic relationships. Empowered, even. There are other days, however, when I find myself frustrated, confused, filled with longing and desire. If I’m honest I can confess those days where I scope out every guy in a room, assessing potential. Yup, some days I’m that girl – the ones the authors of Christian dating books warn against and tell you to never become. Yup, that’s me, probably all of us at some time or another.
I’m surrounded by other singles who I know have longing. I hear it in conversations, I see it in actions taken with the wrong guys/girls. I have longing too, you know. I hurt too. I want them to know that I’m not a superwoman who has it all together. I’m in the same boat…part of me hurts for all of us sitting at the single table.
I recently prayed with a friend who is probably walking into the beginning of the end of a relationship with the wrong kind of guy. She sincerely hurts, and as we prayed I also got choked up thinking about the turmoil in her. She spoke about how she doesn’t want to miss out on what God might do in this guy’s life…you know, to turn him around. I later told her that it was okay (and normal) to acknowledge her hurt over the idea that the end of this relationship is, once again, the beginning of singleness. Singleness - that time in life when you just don’t know who or what God has on the way…or if that person even exists.
I recently read that God will sometimes allow revival or spiritual highs to help give strength to get through those times we spend walking in the valley of everyday life. Maybe that idea can also be applied to our walks as single people. We all will experience moments of strength where we completely embrace our single life. We experience freedom from the paralyzing, unmet desires of our hearts…and it’s great! But perhaps, more often than not, we find ourselves in the valley of longing and desire. As we may spend much more of our time there, remember the heights to which we’ve been and meditate on them as we walk through (not around or above or below…but THROUGH) those valleys of longing and desire. Those memories mark divine moments in our walks with God…when we focus and reflect upon them we are by default also focusing and reflecting on Him and what He’s done. Bringing that perspective into the forefront of our minds will help to refocus our attention away from the circumstances of today (walking in a valley of loneliness) and back on to God. I know we will begin to see glimpses of Him and His presence with us in that valley…and that should offer the strength and ability we need to walk on in a way that is still glorifying to Him.
I thinks its naïve to expect those longings and desires to never awaken. I that eventually we will all walk through a valley or two (it may be singleness, or a job, or illness, or whatever). It’s not whether we hit that valley that matters…it’s how we journey through it – the decisions we make, the actions and responses we have, and the focus of our minds; that’s what really matters.
I’m walking in that valley today. Walking strong…stumbling along…regardless I’m continually being held up (or picked up) by God. For that I am ever grateful.
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