winter is coming.  night comes early.  cold and rainy days, and if we’re lucky…snow will fall as well.  Tonight I find my heart heavy, though I can’t exactly find the words I need.  breathe. 

“Oh Lord, to be saved from myself, dear Lord
oh to be lost in Thee
Oh, that it might be no more I
but Christ that lives in me.” 
~AB Simpson

Father,
Please show your face tonight
Please meet me in this place
My heart is tired and my mind is lonely
and the darkness has grown old.
Lord, please show your face tonight
and place in me a new song
After so long, this one seems wrong
The same notes echo over
and over
A lifetime of longing
singing the same ol’ song
and I can’t help but think
It’s time for a brand new song.
Won’t you place in me a brand new song?

~AMEN~

Adieu

I cry.

At those lovers I stare

finding you there

here and everywhere.

And I still wonder why

I can’t evade those memories,

All that were made

together.

 

Adieu.

Holding on, that last touch fades.

Sigh. I check the time

only to know

that now’s the time

for me

to say goodbye

 

forever.

The Fall

Something with this season awakens
a sensitivity of senses

Blue skies turn gray
Green leaves turn gold and amber
red maple, the horizon traces
this awe-like beauty will fade away
succumbing to winter’s blank canvas

Oh, the feeling of the cool air
that surrounds my face
And the crinkle of leaves with each step I place
a sweet melody to which my heart dances
awakened, my soul opens and embraces
like some mystical enchantment

And there, in the shadow of fall
 my mind then senses
That life can still exist
even when death surrounds it.

Tempo flare
the beats start slow
to your eyes I stare
vivid imagery takes me there
as the steady beats
increase

I get lost there 
and dream of your hand
as it glides across my cheek
pulling me close, our lips meet
and together our heart beats
increase

Just in time to meet reality there
snap back. your eyes find me
(the beats increase)
to where can I look away?
because at the end of the day
I’m just too scared
and now you found me there

Truth is I’d rather cling to these as dreams
I’d rather feel the race in my heart
and dream of your touch
and long for your lips.
I’d rather keep it a secret
than to step out and meet it
the truth – is it?

Let the beats
cease

This memory will go unshared
living only in my heart 
and in the eyes to which I stare
Because at the end of it all
I’d rather run
than to take a chance on love
or better yet, on losing it.
this is the truth, or is it?

This is new, and a little rough around the edges.  Please excuse the *F* word…it’s purposefully included.

Alone at night who you crying to?
What we see are the clothes that define you
And a status you strive to
A steady job you drive to
With a smile on your face
Over achiever, constant reacher
Freedom preacher
Bound by chains that only shine when the darkness meets you.
I can’t tell if you’re lying, or hiding or simply denying
That vast expanse within you
Avoiding, crying, blind to
Trying to move on or around or anywhere
while unmet expectations chase you there
follow you everywhere
into your love beds
and your busyness
and into your successes,
honesty would say your soul’s restless.
Filling your time, and your mind, and your life
With anything you find
Everything within reach
Everything that’s easy
Your grasp for the next one
Promote to the next one
Fuck the next one
Lust the other one, hoping it’s the next one
It’s all that you run to
Convinced you’ll never run out
A thirst never dries out
Invincible you can’t grow tired
But be warned you will,
Every runner slows down
And when you do a moment meets you
And sees right through you.
And brings a reality you’ve denied to be true
The successes and the busyness, all that you cling to are gone
Taken away or they have left you
There in the silence and loneliness, in the motionless absence of all that defined you
No where to run that you haven’t already run to
And this is where all roads have led you
To the edge, with a clear view of the vast canyon within you
Do you know what you’d do, if this were true
That all that you ran to or from would finally catch you
And leave you here…Empty
Standing on the edge of that deep canyon within you
What would you do if there existed a small whisper that asked you?
“Alone at night who do you cry to?”
“With nothing around, what will you do?”
Or most importantly,
“what’s the next god you’ll try to cling to?”

a

 

November 2009
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