“No one warns young people to follow Adams example.  He waited till God saw his need.  Then God made Adam sleep, prepared his mate, and brought her to him.  We need more of this “being asleep” in the will of God.  Then we can receive what he brings us in His own time, if at all.  Instead we are set as bloodhounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around.  It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women – but he can think of them as he ought- as sisters, not as sparring partners!”
(Jim Elliot ~1948; The Shadow of the Almighty)

I was writing earlier today and I was reminded of the original blog I wrote titled “Asleep in Singleness”.  I opened it up to realize that it had been over 2.5 years since I had written it, and it was interesting to see where I was then and where I am today. 

Jim Elliot’s words still meet me and still resonate within me.  Last night I was speaking to a dear friend.  He mentioned that it would be awesome if he was married this year.  This statement was followed up with “my biological clock is ticking, I’m ready to ‘be married’”.  I laughed at his comment, but I was also a little saddened that those words would come out of his mouth.  I appreciate his honesty, but pray that he doesn’t rush because he’s ready to finally “get it on”.  Our conversation continued with his suggestions on how I could get a date.  I tried explaining to him my philosophy on dating (which is different than what most might adhere to and tailored to my own understanding of myself, my weaknesses, and my tendencies…it’s not something I think all singles must follow, but it’s the way I chose to approach that aspect of my life).  I don’t think he understood, actually I know he didn’t… but that’s okay too. 

Having no parents or siblings, the thing I long for the most is to start a new family of my own…to be a wife and a mother.  Singleness is very hard so don’t think I’m going to encourage the ease of singleness or to tell people to “just embrace it”.  It is hard, but sometimes hard things can be very, very good for you, and often times God wants us to embrace the harder parts of life for reasons that may escape our understanding in those moments that we are forced to embrace them.  Hindsight is 20-20 you know? 

I am starting to believe that as singles age, their singleness becomes a mark of faith and trust in the Lord.  Those two things: faith and trust, being not about us, but instead are only about and enabled by God in us.  Perhaps this is the secret of Paul’s learning contentment in Philippians 4 – not that he personally gained enough knowledge to be content, but rather through his journey and through His sufferings God incrementally filled his heart with the faith and trust that was needed for His journey.  The result of this integration of faith and the various trials he faced (singleness included) revealed a contentment that was not only learned but was also dynamic: growing as God grew in Him…regardless of circumstances.       

As I tried to explain to my friend (and surprisingly to several people lately) – It’s really hard for me to continue this journey alone (i.e. without a mate/partner), but my trust in God continues to grow daily.  I have become less and less about the end goal of marriage (checking off that box) and more about having a willingness to wait for whoever that man may be.  Maybe I’m slowly (and sometimes begrudgingly) learning the contentment that Paul boasts of.  Jim Elliot might say I’m learning to be asleep in my singleness. 

My last relationship ended almost 4 years ago, and the work that God has done in me since then – in my woundedness, in my weakness, in my sin, in my character, in my own relationship with the Him – I see as directly impacting a future relationship, should that come my way.  In the same way, I think that if I’m still waiting, it’s for good reasons – for me, for the guy, and for the work the Lord is doing in and through us today.  I’m willing to wait for that.  My heart longs for it, but I’m willing to wait for it.  Amy Carmichael approached this unmet longing as the way in which she was called to suffer for the Lord.  She believed that each day she lived according to her calling, and if it meant loneliness then she considered that loneliness as being for the Lord and allowed it to grow her in the Lord.  I am reminded of the words Jesus spoke as he faced his suffering in crucifixion.  John 12:27 records the following:

“Now my heart is troubled and what shall I say, ‘Father, save me from this hour?’  No, it was for this very reason that I came to this hour.  Father, Glorify your name!”

I don’t know what my future holds.  I appreciate the advice I was given last night on how to “catch” a boyfriend/husband, but that’s not my style and I certainly don’t think I will “catch” the man I really want.  I’d much rather allow a friend to become my husband than trying to make my husband into a friend (if that makes sense).   I belive this is something that can never be “caught” persay, but rather something that is revealed as one discovers the character, heart, life direction/calling, quirks, and Jesus’ role in another.  Actually, the very things that are often overlooked when we (or maybe I should just say “I”) are out trying to “catch” someone or settle on what sparks lust in us instead of waiting for God’s best, revealed and discovered in His timing. 

I have realized that singleness is my calling…at least for today…and as far as I can tell it is my calling for tomorrow.  I expectantly wait for the day that will change, but until then…singleness is my calling.  And when my perspective is on things eternal, I’m okay with that…more often than not I’m okay with that, actually.  This is where God has me, and instead of waiting for life to happen, for me to discover “God’s will for my life” I have realized His will for me exists today (not just some abstract happening in the future, but it is for today!)…it involves being there for several beautiful teenagers, it involves being an engineer (still), being a friend to those happy and sad, those with good lives and those whose lives are a mess…it involves me being single while falling more and more in love with the Lord. 

Last night I received a message from a beautiful sister, having read my blog, unsure of where I stood today.  If you see this, know that I am okay, more than okay.  Praise God for the intimacy He allows us to have with Him especially when we approach his throne in humility and honesty…carrying all our burdens, feelings, fears and doubts…and finally laying them at his feet.  I may fight and cry and complain, but more often than not I embrace this hour of my life trusting that there is something beyond comprehension at work in and around this part of my life.    

Henri Nouwen’s thoughts on prayer faith and hope found in his book With Open Hands encourage and challenge me immensely…maybe they’ll encourage you tonight as well:

“Being so eager to arrange our own future we of little faith close ourselves off from what is coming.  We have no patience with the unspecified promises and no trust in the unseen situations which the future has in store.”

He later goes on to say this:

“Whenever pray with hope, we put our lives in the hands of God.  Fear and anxiety fade away and everything we are given and everything we are deprived of is nothing but a finger pointing out the direction of God’s hidden promise that one day we shall taste in full.”