Daily Archive

Last night was Wednesday and as usual, was hanging out with my Pastor’s wife.  Apparently she wants to set me up with her nephew.  Sure, I’m flattered, slightly intrigued, but my desire to avoid such awkward, pressure filled, “set-ups” has also kicked in.  Anyways, when I got home I ran inside to tell my roommates about how someone is trying to set me up at an up and coming wedding.  I didn’t realize that I was walking into an already-in-progress conversation on Christian dating and sex.  So, here comes the soapbox…

 The question that was on the mind of several in the room: “Why is it that Christian guys never seem to ask out Christian girls?”  The context is that a majority in the room felt that there were several beautiful, awesome Christian girls who were single and rarely, if ever, asked out by the Christian guys in their churches, social circles, and bible studies.    A guy spoke up and told us why he tends to ask non-Christian girls out over Christian girls.  This is what he had to say (paraphrased):

 ”I am more inclined to ask out non-Christian girls because I’m told that in the Lord all these Christian girls are my sisters and it’s hard to think about them romantically or sexually if they’re supposed to be my sister…Non-Christian girls are more open and to flirting and talking about sex…Christian girls dress so modest.  I’m more attracted to non-Christian girls physically and visually.  (*insert something about urges and hormones*)  I just don’t find myself being drawn to Christian girls like I am non-Christian girls.  I don’t want a hoochie mamma, but I do think you have to be physically attracted to someone.” 

 I sat there almost in disbelief.  A few girls spoke up about how as Christian women we’re told not dress a certain way and how we are told to dress modestly to keep Christian brothers from stumbling. 

 The soap box was there…I tried biting my tongue, but couldn’t hold it in any longer…

 I couldn’t believe that a Christian guy was sitting there saying the things he was saying…and I couldn’t believe that the responses were nothing more than, “we dress that way because we’re told to dress that way”.  

 All around us in media, magazines, TV, the internet, etc…women and the beauty of a woman have become completely and unavoidably attached to instant sexual appeal.  (All of us are sexual, but I think the ideas have been used and abused to the point where it has downgraded one’s sexuality to nothing other than a mechanism for selfish fulfillment, or especially amongst women, to fill voids set in place from longings for acceptance, validation, and love).  We are pressured in stores and again through media to dress a certain way, to look a certain way.  If we look at Scripture we find encouragement to find our worth not in outward adornment but rather in knowing our identity in Christ.  All around us, we have encouragement to lessen our standards, boundaries, and convictions because that’s how we’ll receive and/or earn love and acceptance.  But as Christian women we also have to learn what it means to be in this world but not of this world. 

 Last night, I sat there as I listened to a brother perpetuate the norms of society to a group of single, beautiful, longing-filled Christian women.  I couldn’t believe it…

 I understand you have sexual urges brother, but dang…MAN UP and encourage your sisters to fight the temptation of the culture instead of telling them you aren’t interested because

They don’t talk about sex enough 

They don’t dress sexy enough

 I shared my thoughts last night.  Less accusingly, but perhaps with a lot more passion behind my words.

 I said (I was much more eloquent last night) that the words he shared sounds a lot like the guys I used to run around with…the ones that encouraged the lie that my body- what I did with it and how I dressed it- would bring me the love I longed for, the attention I craved.  The words I heard last night, we all too similar to the words of guys I now see respected me little if at all…the words that perpetuated my own lack of respect for myself.    

 Someone tried to lessen my punch and told him I was a little “sensitive”

 Maybe I am sensitive, but if my sensitivity is fighting the lies and distortions of the Devil’s hand, should I water down my passion?  Should I not challenge a Christian brother when he tells a group of single Christian women, who want guys to show some kind of interest in them that they’re just not as sexy as the women who could care less about God? 

I would say chrisitan women are very sexual, but many have learned to be self controlled.  Many have learned not to tempt brothers visually (and in the same way have learned to accept themselves first (and not rely on the attraction they get from dressing a certain way).

Maybe some of us are frumpy, but most of us young, single women are not…we love the Lord…we have standards…

Should I not challenge someone who appeals to a women in a way that would encourage her to lower such standards? 

maybe I am sensitive, but I would say even more than sensitive I am a single christian woman, trying (sometimes fighting) to uphold sexual and emotional integrity as best as I can until I am married…You might not agree with me, but I will speak up to encourage my sisters to uphold the integrity that I believe God desires them to have as well.  

 This isn’t the best writing I’ve done, sorry.  If I’m wrong…someone call me out.