It’s 2:20am. I should be going to bed. Heck, I should have been in bed by this time, but I’m not.
One of the beautiful things about God is that He isn’t satisfied with the sinful people we are when we are “saved”. Instead He continually works to transform and renew us to become more like the people he created us to be. In September it’ll be 7 years since I first believed in God. You know, I can talk about who I was, but sometimes it’s hard to really remember the person I was before Christ. Everything was different: the way I talked, the things I said, the mannerisms I had, the way I viewed myself, the way I viewed life, the things I found acceptable…EVERYTHING was so different. It’s funny how 7 years later I sometimes can’t believe the person I am today…and other times I can barely remember the person I was back then.
I was driving home tonight and I started talking to a friend on the phone. Seeing how I was leaving Bowie, I decided to drive a little farther into Laurel to meet up and chill with her for a bit. While we were out, we ran into some guys we went to high school with. One of the guys was a guy I had begun to get involved with right before I became a Christian. It’s so hard to remember the person I once was, but tonight I saw the life I was living, the life God saved me from…only the eyes and mind through which I was reflecting on it all was sober.
As I drove home and reflected on the people I had run into, I couldn’t help but wonder if that is how it always was. Tonight I saw part of the life I would have lived had Jesus not taken hold of me. I saw part of who I was…and began to only imagine who I would have become, if I had lived through it all at the rate I was going in 2001.
The farther I walk away from the life and the lifestyle I once knew, the more grateful I am of God and the changes my Christian walk has allowed in my life. Honestly, God is my everything. I don’t mean that to be cliché, I mean it to be 100% sincere. If it weren’t for Him meeting me on September 2, 2001…I honestly don’t know where I’d be.
God, even the words “thank you” don’t seem to do justice to what I truly owe you. Anything that is me today – stability, employment, wisdom, knowledge, personal/character growth…all of it is because and by you. Now that I know you, I can’t imagine life without you. At the same time, I can only wonder…why me and not them? Why me? The first and the last to chose me…how can I ever doubt or question your love. I feel like I owe you big time for all that you’ve done. The beauty is that apart from my being, my obedience, and my worship…you desire nothing from me. To think that you’ve brought me this far…God I love you so much. Even if this were all I had, I think I would be okay. Thank you for seeing more in me than I ever did…thank you for doing more in me than I ever could. I am wholly yours. Thank you Jesus. I love you.
I also pray for them…for her…that somehow they too could be removed from the bondage that has defined their lives. I pray for freedom, for an experience and revelation of your love. God, make their hearts long for you, that they too might experience you as I have. Please God, do not forget your other children.
