Monthly Archives: May 2008

Reflections from Hosea

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus, Scripture

 

 I’m in the process of studying through the prophets of the Old Testament.  To help aid in my understanding of the social, political, and historical context in which these books were written I am also reading Abraham Heschel’s The Prophets.  Here are some of my thoughts…Enjoy!

 After wandering in the desert for 40 years, The nation of Israel was finally ushered into Canaan, their promised land.  It didn’t take long, however for things within the nation to start going awry.  The Israelites began to demand a king to lead them (1 Sam. 8:1-9) – a direct rejection of the Lord.  It was about 100 years later that Israel was split into 2 nations: Israel (in the North) and Judah (in the South).  

Around 735 BC, Hosea began to operate in His calling as a prophet.  He was sent to speak to Israel, the Northern Kingdom.  By this time, Assyria had emerged as an empire and began to lead many expeditions across the land, compelling many to submit to her rule.  From the perspective of Israel, they saw in Assyria, protection, security, and stability and looked to her for an alliance.  They also looked to Egypt, the land from which their forefathers had been delivered, for an alliance.  In addition, Israel was becoming a mess within the nation itself.  Kings were appointed and chosen only to be other thrown or murdered.  They went through 10 years having 5 kings, 3 of whom seized the throne through violence.  Obviously the state of the nation was rather dynamic, and in a manner that was not right in the eyes of the Lord – not looking to Him for guidance and rule, but rather looking to other nations and taking things into their own hands.

 Enter Hosea – a prophet told by the Lord to take a prostitute as his wife, and then persuaded by God to receive and restore their relationship as she continued to seek after her other lovers.  Just as many of us experience, Hosea began to learn from his own experience and somehow began to see God’s own struggle to restore a Bride that was so adamant on looking to others for things that should only be found in Him.  Unlike many other prophets, Hosea began to call forth not doom and gloom, but rather spoke of a compassionate God who is so in love with His people.  Understanding the compassion God must have, He spoke to Israel using metaphors such as husband/wife and parent/child.  He called out Israel for turning to others before the Lord, but he also pleaded on behalf of the Lord’s incredible compassion over the nation. 

 It is only through Hosea’s experience that we are able to hear the type of reconciliation He desires and his future hope for this Nation.  In Hosea 2:14-16 we read:

 Therefore, I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her
There I will give her back her vineyard.
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the days she came up out of Egypt.

 He continues in vs. 23:

 I will plant her for myself in the land;
I will show my love to the one called “not my loved one”.
I will say to those called ‘not my people’; you are my people;
And they will say, ‘you are my God’.

 Despite His desires for Israel to turn back to Him, we know how history plays out.  Regardless of the words spoken by Hosea, Israel was overtaken by Assyria in 722 BC.  They conquered and destroyed Samaria sending the Israelites back into exile.  Some Israelites were able to escape to join their brothers in Judah, but for the most part, Israel, again, found themselves back in captivity.  

 As I read through and studied the History surrounding this prophet I was amazed at what transpired.  As a nation, Israel was doing what one would think every good nation should do: establish themselves as a secure and stable nation.  Because of the growing power of Assyria, it would make sense for them to seek out protection from them.  What they didn’t realize was that this action was them turning their backs on the Lord, AND it was setting them up as prey to the surrounding nations such as Assyria and Egypt.  Their search for security ultimately led them in the opposite direction – towards exile and captivity. 

 How this is also found in our lives today?  Trusting God and having Faith are sometimes the hardest things to do.  Whether we know it or not, we are constantly battling Satan and the idols He may try to position in our lives.  When uncertainty arises and even when things are going very well for us, we move our eyes from God and onto ourselves or others around us.  We desire security and look for it everywhere but the one place it’s promised to be found!  Just as with the Israelites, apart from the Lord, those very things are more likely to lead us to a form of captivity than towards the freedom and joy that come with full reliance on the Lord. 

 The one step we have over the people of Hosea’s day is that we see the completion of that promise to make all things new…to reconcile all things.  We have Christ!  They didn’t…We have the promise that they did not yet know – our desire to cling to the feet of the Lord should be that much more. 

 So often it’s not.

 So often we turn away from God, seeking out security, protection, love, and a handful of other things everywhere but him.  God has given us Scripture and years upon years of History revealing to us just how futile those actions are.  He has given us His Son to prove the compassion He speaks of within the pages of Hosea.  Still we seek other things.  We have God, His Word, His Spirit, History…and memories of our own journeys…yet we still look elsewhere.  He desires for us to return to Him – how much more compelling evidence do we need to respond the way He so desires for us?  I wonder if we ever will…get it right.

The Weight of The Wait

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus, Random Thoughtz, Scripture and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 

 I was in the car today when I first heard these lyrics from a song by Algebra Blessett:

 Once upon a time there was a damsel
where deep in the hood stood a castle
She often sit on a stoop watching ghetto youth…
She dreamed of a day her knight would come through…
To take her away from the heartache and the pain
to a world she never knew
It’s the same old story…
Girl wants to be rescued
From all the hard times
You can be prince charming
I’ll be Cinderella
Don’t want a fairy tale
Just give me happy after
For days on end she tries to pretend
Like with her there is nothing wrong
But although she tries
You can see the tracks from the tears she cries
all night long
and she constantly wishes
for the house and the picket fence
the big back yard
and she hopes one day that her prince will take her away
to a life that ain’t so hard…
(Happy After by A. Blessett, 2008)

 As I listened, the vision I got of this young woman waiting for her prince resonated with recent conversations I’ve had on the idea of women desiring to be rescued.  I think somewhere deep inside of us women, we desire to have prince charming swoop us up in his arms and carry us off to a place and circumstance that is more complete.  One that is better than our current experience today.  In the recently popular book Captivating, Stasi Elderidge brings this idea to the surface as she describes how many of us women, as little girls, played games where we pretended to be a beauty or princess kidnapped by bad guys, fought for and rescued by a hero.  She states that many of us are embarrassed to admit this about ourselves, but when we’re honest and open up, we find out just how many of us women have had this desire within our hearts.  No wonder we identify and fall in love with the classic princess movies like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast.  I would say that for women, this “little girl” game, is a deep and true desire that is planted in our very being.  It’s a desire that may be placed there by God and met by God, both in an earthly sense, but also in an eternal sense through Christ.      

 For many of us, that desire never goes away.  In her song, Algebra sheds light on a woman’s desire to escape tangible realities that may have defined her life to that point.  This probably isn’t the case for many of us.  Many of us come from very nice families.  We had stable homes with parents that loved each other.  Maybe we’ve always had the “picket fence and big back yard”, but deep inside something about the song still resonates with the un-met desires we have.  Even with blessings that surround us, we can’t deny that at the end of the day, we still long for that “rescue”. 

 Before I continue I want to make one thing clear.  As Christians, yes, our longing and desires should be for the Lord first and foremost (I’ve written on this in the past and didn’t want to spend any extensive amount of time on this point, I assume it to be a given).  A man or a relationship should never replace that which God can do or fill for us.  Many who are in relationships or who are married will speak to the difficulties of not making idols of their kids and their husbands and their roles as mothers and wives.  For them, making God their God is a daily battle – and when it comes to children and a spouse, I imagine it’s hard to keep them 2nd to the Lord.  I often wonder if this has anything to do with Paul’s reasons for calling singleness as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:6-9)!!  I am a huge advocate that we need to seek first God and all that is Him, finding our identity in Him, finding our strength and Love and purpose in Him.  I would also speculate that having or wrestling with a desire does not equate to not seeking, believing, hungering after God.  One can earnestly seek after God, but still find unmet desires and longings crying out for attention in their lives.  One friend of mine might say that “God wants us to be hungry” 

 Before sin ever entered into the Bible, we find Adam who was in PERFECT communion with God.  What I mean by perfect is that EVERYTHING that Adam needed and wanted was perfectly met by God.  There were no distractions, there were no idols, and there was nothing but beautiful communion between Father and Son…God and Human.  In the few lines that we have to describe this time, we see nothing that leads us to believe that Adam was in want or need of anything.  Adam did not ask for a wife.  NO, it was God who said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18).  It was then that Eve was created as a helper and companion for Adam.  Adam was in perfect relationship with God, and the all knowing God decides that a companion is needed – that should tell us something.  (In Genesis 3:16, God also states to Eve that as a result of the fall, her desires will be for her husband.  Like with the other punishments of sin, I speculate that this too has been passed down to us from her)    

 I 100% agree that our hearts must first chase after God’s heart and that we must look to him to fill these desires until He brings a partner into our lives, if that’s even part of His will for us.  But I also think that if we have a desire that is not being met in a tangible way, we need to own it and be honest about it with ourselves and those who are closest to us (friends, accountability, prayer partners, etc.)  Encourage each other to seek God, but also recognize that these desires may be normal!!  Encourage each other to not become pre-occupied with or to force these desires to be met, but be willing to sit and listen and pray through the emotions that unmet desires often stir up within us.  We should remind each other that our waiting or God’s silence with regards to an unmet desire is not God’s rejection, but is just His Sovereignty taking its course in our lives.    

 For many of us, the specific desire to be rescued is very real.  I wonder if even married women, or those in relationships still long for the romance that seems to surround our ideas of being rescued.  As each of us sit on our stoops, watching, waiting, hoping, praying…let us not lose sight that our ultimate prince has already arrived!  We were created to be in perfect union with God.  We live in a world that is apart from God because of sin.  We are longing to be rescued because our souls know and cry out that this, what we see around us, this can’t be all there is!!  There is something in us that hungers for God…there is something about creation around us that longs for and points to a creator.  God has placed eternity in the hearts of men (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  In some incomprehensible way, God has placed a hunger for something more deep within us and I wonder if this is any relation to our desire for “rescue”.  Knowing that we, on our own merit, could not right the wrongs that had been committed, I wonder if God also placed that desire for a “rescuer” in our hearts as well.  (I can only “wonder” at this point because I’m not exactly sure how, if at all, Scripture points to this specific idea outside of the verses I have included in this post.  Hey! I’m still learning).  In an eternal sense we can hope for the “Happy After” when we realize the grace that is so freely given to us from God.  Our prince has come and we have been rescued by Christ!  We should rejoice in that!  Amen!

 When we’re honest, even with our eyes set on Christ, I know that many of us still find ourselves in periods of loneliness and longing on this side of heaven.  We are women who seek God, but also long for a companion to share life with.  We long for a family.  We long to be “rescued” on this side of heaven as well.

 I personally can’t find the words to make that loneliness go away, it is only God who meets me in those moments, and it is God who can best meet you, if you give Him the opportunity to step in.  I can relate however – I fight feelings of “aloneness” and loneliness more often than I’d like to admit – even in times when I’m doing really well with God.  I think God wants this for me…to somehow reveal His Glory.  It’s hard, but I trust Him with my life – the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I can sympathize with the unmet desires that many of us have.  As a friend recently put is, I’m a few months shy of being “3 years from 30″.  I’m single.  I’m an orphan.  I have no siblings.  Trust me when I say desires for a family and a companion run deep in my heart.  Not to beat a dead horse, I am waiting for a “rescue”.  I am confident that eternally I have been rescued by Christ, but I’d be lying if I said my heart longed for nothing more…at least on this side of heaven.  Like so many of my friends, and maybe even a few reading this…I am learning what it means to wait.  I’m learning that waiting is easier said than done.  I’m also learning that waiting is not passive; we’re not waiting for life to begin when XYZ happens.  NO!  We are waiting for XYZ, but until then we are watching ABC unfold and grow.  I know this because waiting is active and, as Henri Nouwen puts it, “it is nurturing the growth of something within”.  Waiting is hard, it has weight in our lives…but it also has power and impact that we usually only see in hindsight.  

 If you’ve made it this far, I want to thank you for reading through my ramblings…I’ve finally gotten to the good part, the real meat that I wanted to share with all those who are waiting.  Whether it be for an open door, for a new job, for graduation, a school/program acceptance letter, and especially for those waiting for their rescue, rejoice in the fact that you’re not waiting alone…and that more than you can ever see or realize is happening as you wait…even this very moment God is moving.  He has not forgotten you or abandoned you.  Claim that truth today!    

 In John 11:1-45 we find the telling of the story of Lazarus, his death, and how his family was forced to wait on Jesus.  Henry Blackaby describes this scene beautifully in his book Experiencing God. 

 “One morning I was reading the story of the death of Lazarus (John 11:1-45).  Let me go through the sequence of what happened as I read.  John reported that Jesus loved Lazarus, Mary, and Martha.  Have received word that Lazarus was sick unto death, Jesus delayed going until Lazarus died.  In other words, Mary and Martha asked Jesus to come help their brother, and there was silence.  All the way through the final sickness and death of Lazarus, Jesus did not respond.  They received no response from the One who said he loved Lazarus.  Jesus even said he loved Mary and Martha.  Yet, there was still no response. “

 Lazarus died.  They went through the entire funeral process.  They fixed his body, put him in the grave, and covered it with a stone.  Still they experienced silence from God.  Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Lets go”.

 “When Jesus arrived, Lazarus had been dead four days.  Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died (v.32)”

 “Then the spirit of God began to help me understand something.  It seemed to me as if Jesus had said to Mary and Martha, “You are exactly right. If I had come, your brothers would not have died.  You know that I could have healed him, because you have seen me heal many, many times.  If I had come when you asked me to, I would have healed him.  But you would have never known any more about Me than you already know.  I knew that you were ready for a greater revelation of Me than you have ever known in your life.  I wanted you to come to know that I am the resurrection and the life.  My refusal and My silence were not rejection.  It was an opportunity for me to disclose to you more of Me than you have ever known. (94)”

 We may be waiting for days, months, and even years; for some that earthly rescue may never come.  In light of the eternal love and protection that we are promised my prayer is that we can rest peacefully trusting our God with all things.  Even as we wait, I pray that the weight would rest on the shoulders of our Lord and that He would continue to use the time to reveal more of Him to us…in ways we never dreamed imaginable.                    

To Stay Still or To Walk Ahead…That is the Question

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Jesus, Random Thoughtz, Scripture and tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of all who love him.”
(Romans 8:28 )

 

Yesterday I was presented with a challenge and exhortation to talk to someone about a gifting that they think I have.  My shyness jumped in and keeps me wondering if I should really step up and talk to someone.  In my mind, I am grateful as opportunities to speak present themselves, but who am I to say that I should do this or that?  I am just 26 yr old single woman…who am I to do or say anything?      

 Part of me fears the inevitable – that I will speak up, that I will be told “that’s nice, but you’re a woman”.    

 Part of me fears that again, I will pursue something and be told no in the end. 

 But then there’s the part of me that can’t shake the stirring that started back in 2005.  Part of me can’t let go of the feedback and encouragement I’ve gotten from people at the most “coincidental” of times.  And all of me continues to be haunted by a beautiful shadow I can’t seem to shake. 

 I see others doing something, but how did they get there?  How did God raise up those women as leaders?  And how in the world do I begin to figure out how to nurture the growth of something I try to keep hidden…at times, maybe even ignore…because at the end of the day I am just a single 26 year old woman trying to understand just how to love people, and love God.  At the end of the day, who am I to even think I could be used in this way.  Is that appropriate humility?  Or a lack of faith as to what God can do?

 Last year I walked into an open assembly room.  It was open in the sense that there were no doors at the doorways and no windows in the window spaces in the walls…everything was open.  Claps and stomps echoed in the air until they settled upon my heart…beating in unison with the rhythm of the air.  My eyes grew wide as I realized that I, a white woman from the US, was surrounded by 1500 West African girls between the ages of 16 to 19.  The pastor walking next to me leaned in as if to combat the doubt and fear that was rising up in me.  “God has entrusted you with all of this, He has prepared this moment for you, and for them…He will do this tonight!”  I remembered the vision and that desire that began stirring in 2005, and I became very humbled and grateful that God would allow me to share in this moment.  For the entire week that I had been in Ghana, I sensed the celebration of the people.  2007 marked the country’s 50th anniversary as a free country.  The markings and pride of that freedom was evident everywhere…from street signs to markings on scarves and dresses.  That night I rejoiced with them in their political freedom, but also welcomed in another freedom that was at hand – a freedom found only through Christ.  I remember not the words that came from my mouth, but the weight of spiritual bondage had grown through the week…and I realized that I was sent, even if for one girl, to proclaim freedom in the name of Christ. 

 I never felt more alive…more in my element than I have in moments like this.  Not because I think I am worthy or that I think I should be doing these things.  I can’t even explain it, other than just knowing in those few moments I’ve been allowed to experience thus far. 

 So now I stand at a crossroads, or so it seems.  At the end of the day I am a young professional, a single woman of 26 years with a desire to communicate all that God is (at least to the extent that I’ve discovered him thus far).  Do I continue along quietly, just waiting for things to happen?  Or do I take this exhortation to speak up as a subtle push from God to get up and follow him? 

 I don’t know what to do.  I really don’t.  I know what I’d like to do, but I fear that it may leave me chasing the wind.  Sigh…       

 

 

Finding God Around The Coffee Maker

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus, Scripture and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , ,

“And I – in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
(Psalm 17:15)

 God is beautiful.  This weekend was an amazing weekend with friends, fun, music, good conversations, and good fellowship.  At the same time, I experienced deep within my soul, a battle I thought I had long overcome…a battle over me and specifically, my identity.  It came on ever so softly, but through some very honest conversations with my accountability partner and a dear friend of mine, I realized the fear that was beginning to seep out from me was rooted in that battle and that perhaps, must to my dismay, the war was not over. 

 Last night I found myself humbled and in awe of God and his desire to speak to us.  He does not settle for mediocre, almost there, children.  No, His sanctification is persistent and is one that penetrates deep within to cleanse and transform us from the inside out.  I recognize that any wisdom and knowledge I may have today is only by Him…and is for the Glory of Him, I see this because in moments like this weekend I am reminded that I’m still a work in progress and have a very, very long way to go.  God has brought me so far, but still is not satisfied with the sin and chains that remain.  His work must go on…as hard as that might be…He will not stop until He has made right all that sin has made wrong. 

 Last night, through the story of David and Bathsheba I was challenged to look at my own heart.  Our hearts must be filled – either with God or something else – it MUST be filled.  David, in the eve of his adultery, and in his own passivity, allowed His heart to become filled with things other than God.  The result of that, we see, were his adultery, his lying, deceit, and even plots for murder as described in 2 Samuel 11.  Introspection found me as the question, “what is filling your heart today?” echoed in my mind.  I want it to be God, but the fear and insecurities that surfaced this weekend reveal that maybe He’s not what I’m filling my heart with right now.  I resonated with the link of passivity or complacency in David’s life and in my own life right now.  This honest look reminded me as to just where the stuff this weekend had come from and challenged me to again start filling my heart with God and his word.    

 I refer back to my opening sentence:  God is beautiful.  I may not see all that God is doing.  I know that He has been trying to work in a specific area of my life…the one I keep most closed off for a while now.  Looking back almost a year I can see His Spirit subtly trying to penetrate, purify, and redeem a specific part of my life (maybe my own passivity is linked to my desire to keep that areas “hidden” from God and the work of His Spirit). 

 Have I mentioned how persistent God is? 

 Today, in the beautiful way that is God’s alone, He reminded me that even in the moments where I am most passive…His Spirit continues to work.  My reluctance, my fear, my insecurities, my own desire to run – none of that is greater or bigger or more powerful than the will of His love for me, the movement of His Spirit, nor the work of His hands.  As I stood around the coffee maker this morning, a co-worker of mine shared about the wonderful weekend he had on a leadership retreat this weekend.  I began working with this person in my last position.  Since 2006 I have watched him and his family begin to seek God more seriously and have witnessed the fruit of God’s faithfulness and a joy that only the Spirit can bring.  I have watched that joy grow in His eyes.  Today, I met that joy again.  Coming off of a time of fear and confusion with regards to things that had been stirring around me, the faithfulness of God in this man’s life, met me in an unexpected, but much needed moment.  I don’t fully understand it, but peace overcame me, and I was able to take in the hand of God and trust that He’s got it all under control…in my co-worker’s life…and even in mine. 

 I thought the verse from Psalm 17 was fitting for the moment.  I saw the face, the hands of God standing around the coffee maker this morning.  The fears that lined the pages of my journal last night faded away and once again I became satisfied in knowing and believing all that God is.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom

Posted by Amy W in Poetry, Random Thoughtz and tagged with , , , ,

So apparently today is mother’s day.  For obvious reasons, it’s a day that often comes and goes without me really thinking about or realizing the holiday is here.  The reason I know it’s today is because I had a co-worker (not knowing anything about me) ask what I had planned for Mother’s Day. Yesterday, my accountability partner pulled out the card she had for her mom and inquired as to whether this day was a hard day for me.  Not really.  Christmas and birthdays, yes…but not so much mother’s day.  Usually it’s out-of-sight-out-of-mind. 

 I was speaking to a counselor a few years ago and she asked me to describe my mom.  It’s funny how little I remember about her or life with her.  I was 14 when she died, but I still remember so little.  I think I became good at blocking things out of my memory.  I remember she was in AA, and I remember going every Saturday night after watching Star Search.  I spoke at her 10 year anniversary of sobriety.  It was funny because for the first time I realized that her sobriety matched up with my age (she went into AA 4 or 5 months after I was born)…I thought it was the coolest thing ever.  I also remember finding her drunk in a parking lot 3 years later.  She was with my biological dad.  I was very upset with her and ran away to grandma’s house in the apartment complex next to mine.  My mom was a smoker and worried a lot.  She was a stressed out person in general and would snap at me if I sang a little too loud, danced around the house a little too much, or asked too many questions.  Being older and wiser myself, I am able to look back I can see just how lonely she was.  I also realize the grip that manic depression had on her. 

Not all of my memories were bad, however.  I remember baking cookies with her.  She was a huge influence on our apartment community.  They still have a tree planted in her honor with a plaque giving tribute to her service to the community – the kids and the family events.  She was the recipient of some big award, but unfortunately she died a month before it was to be announced – I wonder if she ever allowed herself to see the great impact she had on the people around her.  Every year we would go to Ocean City for a week of summer vacation.  Around the time I turned 9, money got even tighter so we had to change our summer vacation plans to a 2 day trip to Kings Dominion.  I loved that change because I love roller coasters. 

 My mom was good with math and when she worked, she was a bookkeeper and did people’s taxes.  She would always encourage me with my own math ability…and to this day I insist on doing my own taxes, by hand.  Plus I’m an engineer.  I wonder if that’s, in any way, her influence.  My mom was the one who brought poetry to life for me.  She encouraged me to write the things on my mind and heart.  I started writing around the age of 7, maybe even before that, and continue writing today.  I don’t say that in arrogance…I don’t think my poetry is the best thing since sliced bread, but it’s mine and its real so I like it.  In some ways it’s the only way I know to express myself.  This is a huge part of my life and the root of it lies with my mom…that I think is pretty sweet.    

 God allows things to happen in our lives for a reason, and I know that my mom wrote to God, but I don’t know where Jesus stood with her (AA teaches of a higher being God, not so much Jesus).  I wonder about that today.  I also wish I could sit down and ask her about her life.  What was so bad about her life and experience that caused her to turn to alcohol at 14 and that drove her to depression and such deep rooted anger.  There is so much generational sin and bondage in my family…I wish I knew were it came from.      

 So, I love my mom.  I don’t remember much about her, but since today is mother’s day, I figured I could write about her.  She had a tough life, and together we had a tougher life…nonetheless it was a life filled with love.  And for that I’m grateful.

This was a poem she wrote me.  I have it hanging on my wall in my room… 

“Amy

The Birth of a baby, the life of a child
How can I express all my feelings inside
A part of my world, the sunshine of each day
A genuine love for no price can pay.

Oh daughter of mine, so dear to my heart
we have a new live, we can make a fresh start
a sensation so real, the warmth in the air
your something special, I love you, I care.

~Mom”

 

Patsy W. Krug
Jan. 9, 1956 – Feb 3, 1996