It’s funny the things loneliness and impatience persuade us to do. Often times, tossing better judgment and convictions aside, we walk into relationships or hook-ups because we can no longer stand the hole that singleness often breeds. We lower standards, we excuse “non-negotiables” and we throw conviction aside…all because we don’t want to feel that loneliness as we wait for Mr/Mrs Right.
In Proverbs 19:22 Solomon writes these words:
What a man desires is unfailing love;
better to be poor than a liar.
We all desire love. It’s not up for debate, God created us that way. He created us to desire unfailing love, a love that only He can provide. He also created us so that in part, love may be shared between people of varying degrees of relationship. When it comes to romantic love, a unique form of intimacy is also welcomed in. Man and woman were literally created for each other…and coming together, we are able to experience, in part the love we so deeply desire and an intimacy that is shared with no other.
It’s not so much having the desire that’s the problem, its more sticking out and waiting/trusting God when such a deeply ingrained desire continues to live unmet.
I have so many talks with women, young and old about relationships – wanting what you shouldn’t have, or not seeing someone to be the person you want. I have friends who missionary date or date someone for the sake of having someone “right now” all while waiting for Mr. Right to finally show up. Heck, I’m guilty of this one – pushing aside God and conviction for the sake of bringing to fruition my own desires for a husband and family.
Recently, I feel like the conversations have sprung up more and more. I listened to one Christian woman share of hooking up with a guy – making out and staying in his hotel room – for several nights while on a business trip. Perhaps deep down she knows this is not the path she wants to walk, but the longing is becoming too great and in her words, her lips were a little too “dusty”. I’ve also heard, more than I ever wanted to hear, about how there are no Christian guys stepping up to the plate and showing interest in the many amazing, beautiful Christian women standing around them. Perhaps this too perpetuates ones propensity to lower standards and enter into a relationship they know they shouldn’t. Generally I’ve thought it was a one-sided issue.
Recently that changed. I heard a guy friend confess that he too was considering dating someone he probably shouldn’t date. I understand the predicament: wanting intimacy, wanting someone close, wanting your spouse…and the wanting ever growing and never being met. He said that he’s had a hard time finding awesome Christian women that are datable, so He’s considering this one girl, even though part of him knows it’s not an ideal situation.
Really?
I find this so interesting – hearing from a guy what I normally thought was a one sided conversation. There are guys that see no datable single Christian women…so they turn to the women they probably shouldn’t date. And women, seeing no “good” Christian guys around, turn to the non-Christian guys who more readily voice and act on their interest in them.
Are you kidding me – single guys see no single Christian women so they go elsewhere. Meanwhile, those same Christian women that go unseen start entertaining less than ideal guys for dating and “dusty lip” purposes because Christian guys seem uninterested. Wow. Is it just me or is something seriously wrong with this picture?
(I have nothing else to say…my thoughts just stopped flowing…I feel like this is a nice point to bring in Joshua Harris or something J )
I wonder if we also have some kind of built in radar that detects signals of “desperation”. I have a couple of friends, one a guy, one a girl, who are excellent people, intelligent, interesting, dedicated believers, both in great physical shape, both accomplished professionals… and both desperate to be in a relationship and married as soon as possible. I can’t for the life of me figure out why they’re each having such a hard time finding somebody. Even more oddly, they tried dating each other for a short time some years ago – I guess she was scared off by the intensity with which he was interested in being married, I don’t know, but she broke off the relationship and broke his heart in the process. People are weird animals. I prefer my dog – he’s simple, straightforward, faithful, forgiving and loves me despite who I am. No head games. Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am…
First I want to say, thankyou… lately I have been finding myself struggling with this exact thing, in an almost overwhelming way. Reading your blog reminded me that I am not the only one with this struggle, and if it is something we struggle through, Jesus must have as well.
Hebrews 4:15- For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.
When I stumble around with lowering my standards to fulfill my desire for companionship or that desire for attention from the opposite sex, it is because I am focused on myself and “my needs”. It is a point I am usually looking for the affirmation of who I am from others rather than from the author of life.
God has really been putting alot of emphasis on this to me in the last several months. He desires my love, He wants to be my companion, He pursues me and hopes I will do the same for Him.
John 15
9″As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I have found if we are intimately ministering to one another through being open and vulnerable, laying of hands and praying for one another, and consistently encouraging one another of the hope in Christ Jesus, we can give another some of the love they need.
Romans 15:30
I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.
njrondeau and Benjamin – thanks for your comments.
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