So, I’m not sure what will come of my church planting endeavors…and I’m not sure how much I’ll end up blogging (I’ve been slacker when it comes to writing), but I’ll title this “lesson #1” just in case I learn something else one day that I also want to title “Life Lesson”).  

Anyways… 

Church Planting.  House Churches.  Missional.  All buzzwords that seem (at least in my mind) to have gained momentum over the past several years.  In the Christian community it’s “cool” to be able to talk about these things intelligibly…even cooler to say that your actually apart of it.  Sigh. As much as I was in love with the ideas and concepts around missional/intentional churches springing up around a particular city, bringing hope and the love of God to those who need it most, I never anticipated the reality of what it would really look like as I started to live out those ideas.  

In the first several months of church planting I found myself all over the spectrum with regards to my feelings for God, my community, and The Church.  One of the hardest things for me was to transition to this new community, leaving behind several of the ministries I was part of and the comfort I had known for the past few years.  I moved into the unknown to re-build my life and community with people I didn’t know in a city that I thought I knew, but really didn’t know at all.     

Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes community in his book, Life Together: 

Innumerable times a Christian community has broken down because it had sprung from a wish dream.  The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and try to realize it.  But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams…we must be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves.  By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world.  He does not abandon us to those rapturous experiences and lofty moods…God is not a God of emotions, He is a God of truth.  Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment…begins to be what it should in God’s sight and begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it.  The sooner this shock of disillusionment…the better for both [the individual and the community]” (p. 26-27) 

Coming from a fairly strong, fruitful community I can say I definitely carried expectations into the church plant.  As the community and church evolved, I began to see something other than what I had envisioned.  I guess I thought community must be built a certain way and must look at certain way and waited for that to become real.  When it didn’t evolve as I thought it should (and it hasn’t), I assumed it must not be good, not on the right track, and sometimes while in the midst of it I found myself feeling very disconnected and alone.  Perhaps it was my pride that gave Satan the foothold, or even just a seed of pride that multiplied a hundred fold…whatever it was, I quickly became arrogant and frustrated with what I saw, or didn’t see around me.  

Everything that everyone else had and was doing stood in stark contrast to what I was not given or not able to do.  Discontent, anger, bitterness started to sink in (very, very slowly mind you).  As I looked around and moved within this community, I began to analyze everything with respect to myself.     

I found myself instantly jealous of the opportunities others were given to serve or be used by God.  

I was annoyed with the lack of intentionality others had toward me (but I continued to sit there sulking and not being intentional with them). 

I felt bad that my needs and worries were overlooked or were simply not cared about.      

My list of ugliness could go on but I’ll stop here… 

Here I am, planting a church, trying to make mission happen, and finding myself completely engrossed in what God is or isn’t doing with me, what the church isn’t doing for me, what ministry I’m not doing, how I’m not being used.  

Notice anything? 

Everything church-plant became about me and I got here without ever realizing it.  

I think this happens with many of us, and I think is many of us today…only we continue moving through life focused on ourselves without ever realizing that God’s mission, vision and commission has fallen to the way-side.  

What I (by God’s amazing Grace) began to realize was that I was no better than the Israelites of the Old Testament.  Sure, I didn’t have wooden or golden statues that I would bow to and worship, but the sin of idolatry had just as much of a hold on my life as it did theirs…the main difference was that I am that “wooden statue”…I am the idol.  

So, God’s grace met me in the middle of one of my frustrated pity parties.  I realized that focusing on myself (as opposed to God, His Grace, His Love…the city/people he’s called me to) was leading me to a place of near self-focused implosion – robbing me of any tiny bit of joy that is possible today. 

Paul in His letter to the Philippians puts it well when he exhorts: 

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put into practice and the God of peace will be with you.
(Phil 4:8-9) 

Now, there is not much in this world that will fit into what Paul describes above, but God fits into every single one of those things…I can’t help but read this and be reminded that our perspective or focus completely affects our well-being…focusing on God is freeing, peaceful in the midst of strife or suffering, and brings joy to the person who practices such a discipline within his thought-life.  

I’m trying to put these ideas into practice.  My perspective and time, thoughts, and prayers are beginning to (again) reflect a life that is more inline with God and the missional community that I’m apart of.  I find my selfishness creeping in…I find that a  self-focused mind is sometimes hard to control…but the moments I set myself aside for Christ I am completely amazed at what he does.  

The life lesson that I’m learning is that this life is not about us and even the best of well-intentioned Christians can loose that perspective…sometimes without even realizing it.  With the help of God…we can begin to put aside ourselves for Him…and we can find relief from the burdens of our life.  Sometimes it takes a little prayer, a little other-focus time and a lot of willingness to Love.    

Lord, I confess to you my idolatry.  I confess to you my anger and frustration toward you lately.  I am way too focused on myself and fearful of what I can’t control.  Please build trust in my heart.  God if anything, please, somehow use my foolishness for your Glory.  I thank you for all that you are doing, the growth that you are initiating and the work that you are continuing in this City.  Thank you for your Son and the Grace you extend to me, allowing me to be part of Your Family and to live amongst the community you have placed me in today. Abba, I belong to you, glorify your name.
Amen.