I think fears are a very funny thing.  So often we move through life held back and bound by our fears.  We are afraid to move forward and step out because we are scared of a reality where we can’t control the outcome.  We have no idea what will happen…we can’t make our ultimate desire/outcome a guaranteed reality so we stop dead in our tracks and never really try for what we want…or what we think we want because life doesn’t guarantee that the exact things we want today are what God knows we need and ultimately provide or allow in our lives.

I’m realizing I have a lot of fears.  I’m realizing the death grip that they have had and continue to have on me.  I recently talked to a friend who helped me to see and call out specific fears that were very active in my life.  I never realized they were there (at least not anymore).  I wrote them down…I named them.  I started to push beyond them.

you know what happened?

The fear started fighting back.  It’s like a parasite that is clinging to its host with every bit of strength that it has…knowing that if separated from the host it would cease to exist.  It fights to hold on, to suck that last drop of blood or cling another leg or tooth (or whatever it is that they use to attach themselves) into its host.  I’m not sure if that’s explained perfectly, but that’s what it feels like.  As I try to step out and away and beyond the fears, every little thing beyond my control that happens that I don’t understand becomes a leg or an arm that the fear uses to re-secure its grip on my life.  It’s as if the fear looks for every little excuse or event to justify its existence in my life.  I hate it.

I find myself very secure in Christ when I live in ignorance of fear and recognizing its grip on me.  Perhaps the same is true with people and the lies they believe about themselves.  Well, at least for a time.  God is in the business of making whole our lives…including the crevices and closed off spaces of our life where those fears and lies [quietly] reside.  And when he’s ready to take over one of those crevices or spaces in our heart and life…the battle begins.

After establishing the reality that God is love, Paul goes on to tell the Corinthian church that perfect Love (God) casts out fear (1 Corinthians 4:18).  The word “cast” reminds me of something that is removed forcefully.  This is purely speculation, but maybe that’s why the fear fights so hard to stay attached…because God is trying to forcefully take the place of a fear or lie that has sucked life from us for who knows how long.

In the end God wins, but unfortunately we still live through the battle.  And during the battle we can look everywhere good…friends, family, pastors, counsel, but the only thing that will truly and completely work in removing that fear is the hand of God.  Scripture attributes God’s perfect love as that which “casts” out fear.  Friends and wise counsel and advice from family is good…great even, but I can’t help but think tonight as I try to squash the fears that raise their ugly heads…the BEST place for me to be is in His (God’s) arms…using His word to be my strength…especially on nights like this when I feel so weak…and so willing to let those fears keep the place they’ve held for so long.

“For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord who lightens my darkness.  This is God – his way is perfect, the word of the Lord proves true, he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him” (Psalm 18:28, 30)

“To you O, Lord, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in you I trust (Psalm 25:1)
“Make your ways known to me, O Lord; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation for you I wait all the day long” (Psalm 25:4-5)