Monthly Archives: March 2010

Psalm 73 – Baggage and Truth

Posted by Amy W in Devotional, Journey through the Psalms, Scripture and tagged with , ,

“When my soul was embittered
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.”
(Psalm 73:21-22)

It’s no secret that I have issues.  I mean, we all do in one way or another.  It’s the reality of life here on earth…this side of heaven.  We all have fallen to sin and have been molded by it.  We’ve been molded by experiences and parents and people who are also fallen and sinners themselves.  It permeates every inch of life, whether we like to admit it or not.  Earlier this evening and into tonight I found myself really upset at the life I’ve been given and even more so the baggage I carry because of it.  The craziness that is me, the sin that entangles me, and the weaknesses I have because of my fallen nature and the fallen reality of those who have been in my life and are in my life today.  As I thought about it, I found myself a little angry…specifically at God.  I mean, He allows it.  He could have stopped it, protected me, changed me…yet for whatever reason (and scripture points to a reason) this is the fallen person He’s allowed me to become.  It’s a little bewildering…especially when I reflect on it in a vacuum…in the absence of Christ.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
(Psalm 73:22-24)

I also know that only looking at my life that has passed and the bags that I carry is not allowing a completed picture.  Emotionally it sucks…and sometimes I wish things were a little more perfect.  Sometimes I wish there was less baggage to carry and that those fewer bags would weigh a lot less.  Or I wish I could learn to navigate life as if the bags didn’t exist.  But they do.  And since they do exist and this is my reality I can’t just reflect upon it in a vacuum as I did today.  The reality is that regardless of those bags and the weight I carry, the sin that I continually fight, and the shadows of my past that I can’t seem to shake…God is with me, always.  He holds my hand, leading me to a reality that is, for now, beyond comprehension.

Vs. 24, above I believe to point to the truth that regardless of the circumstances of our pasts, or the circumstances of our present day, God is leading us to a future reality – a life beyond this one – specifically Heaven.  It’s an eternal kingdom void of the sin and baggage and damage that may define our beings today.  God is continually at work restoring and renewing and rebuilding life until we are able to experience it in it’s truest glory.

When I remember this and the freedom and reality that was made possible through the death of Christ…at least for tonight…the anger and sour emotional response that was so prominent to me today fades into something a little more anticipatory and hopeful.  Reflections on life in the absence of Truth can be very dark…yet when history and those emotional responses and dark moments that I’m sure we all have are combated with Truth – freedom can be found.

“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you
My flesh and heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:25-27)

Abba, in the midst of all that is wrong with the world
and all that is wrong with me
thank you for your Truth and the power it holds…
I long for your kingdom to reign,
but until then I can only pray that I will cling tightly
to your word,
your Son…
your Truth.
May your hand continue to hold and lead me closer to you.
Amen.

God! Please Don’t Forget Me!

Posted by Amy W in Journey through the Psalms, Prayer, Scripture, Uncategorized

On Friday night I finally arrived at Psalm 72.  Now, I don’t believe the Psalms to be laid out chronologically, but most of the chapters up to this point in the book of Psalms seem to stem from David being hunted down by Saul.  For weeks now I’ve been wading through David crying out, asking God to rescue him and remember him and not forget him.  At the end of Psalm 72 I read this…

“The prayers of David, son of Jesse, are ended.” (vs. 20)

Like I said, I don’t think the psalms are chronological, so I’m not exactly sure when in relation to the other psalms (before and after #72) this one was actually written, but the words made me stop and think about all that I had just read.

For about 8 years Saul’s men chased after David.  David, having been chosen and annointed to be future king, ran for his life…literally.  Time and time again David cried out to God…asking for salvation from those men, asking to be rescued, asking to see justice, yet he continued to be chased and he continued to run.  I’m amazed at David’s ability to praise God through that time.  Even in the darkest prayers, there is a hope and assurance that God would do the very things David was praying and asking God to do even as each year passed.  How is it that he didn’t give up on those prayers?  How is it that he didn’t kill Saul when he had the chance?  How is it that he was able to keep running, keep asking for rescue and all the while, continuing to praise the reality of the God he served?

There are things in my life that I have prayed for and seen answers immediately.  There are other times when I have prayed and asked…and years later…I continue to ask.  There are other prayers that seem to go unanswered in my life, so much so I simply stop praying for them (and usually find myself a little annoyed or bitter at the lack of answer from God).  For the prayers that take months, years, decades even to answer – I can only hope that I am able to persevere and continue taking it to the Lord, trusting in faith that my prayer is heard and that God will answer according to His timing and His understanding of what I need each and every moment of the day.

Just an hour before I came to this reflection on Friday night I ordered the book “God on Mute”.  I’m going to be going through it with a few friends over the next few months.  I’m excited for what may come of it…and it’ll be interesting to see if God uses this journey through the Psalms and the book discussion to shed light on my true heart’s response (and view) to those prayers that I continue to lift up, seemingly unanswered in their entirety, even after 8+ years of following Him.

A Father to the Fatherless

Posted by Amy W in Journey through the Psalms, Scripture, Uncategorized

“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation,
God settles the solitary in a home…”
Psalm 68:5-6

There’s not a lot that I remember about my life…but two moments I can recall as if they were yesterday – the day I realized I was an orphan and the day I realized I was a child of God.

My mother, who was a single parent and only parent listed on my birth certificate, died when I was 14.  She was diagnosed with Lung cancer in August 1995 and died 6 months later in Feb. 1996.  Up until that point in my life I had always thought of orphans as this distant idea…people who lived in orphanages (and they are) in third world countries.  I know, it was probably a dumb thing to admit, but I was young and had a very narrow view of the world around me.  About a week after her death, I got a letter from the state announcing a trial date at the “Orphan’s Court”.  That was the moment that it hit me.  Anger, bitterness, saddness – all of it came rushing in as I read the return address on the letter’s envelope – I realized just how alone I was in the world and, quite honestly, it sucked.  That moment was also the moment I decided that God didn’t…couldn’t exist – after all, if he existed, how could he let me become “one of those” kids?  How could he leave me alone?  He couldn’t…He wouldn’t…therefore he must not be real.

Fast forward to the spring 2002.  I had been a christian for a handful of months.  I had turned into a very angry, bitter, cynical, hurting athiest after holding that letter.  Somehow my one christian friend collided with a mess of events that I was tangled in and I ended up in church…the only place I never looked for…with everything falling apart around me, it was, in my mind, the last place I had that might do something good for me.  That was in September 2001…after church that first night I gave my life to christ.  It wasn’t until several months later that I was met with one of the realities of what Christ has done for us.  I was sitting in my car on cherry hill road at a red light.  I was driving home from class.  The song butterfly kisses came on the radio (cheesy, I know).  But as that song played it was as if God whispered to my heart – I realized that while here on earth, I might technically be an orphan, BUT In a greater sense, I had been adopted by Him…He was my Father.  I bawled.  The light turned green and I pulled over because I couldn’t drive for a minute or two.  For someone who had spent the last 6 years angry because I was alone, realizing that I had a FATHER in God…and that He was there, watching over me, protecting…loving…it was defining and beautiful.

I read Psalm 68 last night and the verse above took me back to those two moments.  God has many names, for me the most personal is the idea that He is Abba, Father.  It’s hard to explain, but in a very real sense…He is…to me.  For that (as well as many other amazing reasons) I am ever thankful to Him and to Christ whose death makes such a reality possible in my life and in the lives of so many others.

Thoughts on Psalm 59

Posted by Amy W in Journey through the Psalms, Scripture, Uncategorized

1 Sammuel 19:10-12 Saul sends men to the house of David in order to kill David.  Why?

Israel had been under the rule of judges, but demanded a king.  Samuel then anointed Saul, who became King over the nation.  He didn’t do what was right in the eyes of God and was eventually rejected by God.  The Lord then prompted Samuel to anoint another who would become king – David.  What’s interesting here is that even Jesse, David’s own father, didn’t consider him worthy.  Jesse allowed 7 of his sons to go before Samuel, but not David.  Knowing that none of the 7 were the chosen ones, Samuel had to again ask Jesse, “are there any others?”.  Only then did Jesse present David.  The Lord made it clear that he was the chosen one and was anointed by Samuel.

As time passes, David defeats Goliath and an intense jealously builds up in Saul (the king’s) heart.  David defeats the philistine’s.  Perhaps this victory was too much for Saul and he tried to kill David by hurling a spear at him.  David fled.  Saul sent others after him to kill him, but David escaped.

From these events I believe Psalm 59 to be written.  Men chasing after David in hopes of destroying him.

I can’t imagine that this made much sense.  I mean David was just anointed by Samuel, and here he is being chased after – his life on the line.  Still he sought refuge in God and praised God for who he knew God to be and what he knew God could do.

The Bible tells us that God doesn’t always make sense to us.  Isaiah 55:8-9 states clearly, “for my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts”.  Sometimes events and life transpires in ways that are hard and don’t always make sense, especially when you live in a tension of knowing Christ but watch unimaginable things happen to you, those you love, and the people of the world whom you may never know.  We may never be like David, running for our lives in a tangible, real sense, but as children of God we are always engaged in a war.  There is a power at work who is constantly feeding us lies, trying to get us to doubt and turn from God.  Idols that fight for reign in our minds and hearts.  Sin that continues to eat at our flesh.  There are events, deaths, kidnappings, rapes, losses of jobs, and poverty that continue to mark our society.  None of which seem to make sense in light of knowing that there exists a Sovereign God who holds time in His hands.

From Psalm 59 we can find encouragement and strength by watching David’s response to those who are out to destroy him.  Our God is a god we can go to and pray to.  And in the midst of all that makes little sense we must cling not to what we don’t know and understand (the ever changing thoughts, feelings, events around us) but rather to a right understanding of who God is and what He can do.

In this Psalm, David seems to cling to the knowledge that God’s love is steadfast.  3 times in this psalm does he claim the truth of the reality of God, mentioning specifically His stead fast love.

Steadfast meaning:

  • Firmly fixed in place
  • Immovable
  • Not subject to change
  • Loyal
  • In firm determination or adherence

Put any of those definitions infront of the words “Love” and you will have a right understanding of God’s love – focus on that.  Claim that Love.

As I go on to start my day – this is what I must cling to.  When I go to work and struggle with all that I have to do, and all that I feel incapable of doing.  As I wage war against the enemy and the lies that continually fight for a foothold in my mind.  As I try to reconcile the changing relationships and friendships in my life.  When life, in a moments notice, seems to make little sense at all, this I will remember and claim as true:  God is here.  He is with me and His love is steadfast.

Psalm 57

Posted by Amy W in Jesus, Journey through the Psalms, Scripture and tagged with , , ,

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me.
 Selah

God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!

My soul is in the midst of lions;
I lie down amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!

They set a net for my steps;
my soul was bowed down.
They dug a pit in my way,
but they have fallen into it themselves.
Selah

My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make melody!
Awake, my glory!
Awake, O harp and lyre!
I will awake the dawn!
I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to you among the nations.
For your steadfast love is great to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!