Category Archives: Uncategorized

Reflecting On God’s Faithfulness

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus, Scripture, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , ,

There are times when I think I struggle with believing God.  I mean, I believe in Him, but sometimes it’s hard to believe Him for His promises…and to believe Him to fulfill the desires that are so actively resting within me.

At work today I had two different conversations that led to people asking about my life, my family…where I’ve come from.  I also had someone ask specifically how I went from being an atheist to a Christian.  These types of things don’t often come up, at least not at work.  As an educated and articulate woman, the outward appearance of my life doesn’t often reflect what I’ve come from.  Most would never know until they ask these deeper, more personal questions.  Sure, people know that I’m a Christian, but usually that’s because they know I do crazy things like spend my vacations serving in places like Haiti.  Or they know because of our debates on whether or not my conviction to only date Christian men is a “right” conviction or “too high of a standard”.  It’s rare in that environment that I’m able to provide context around why I feel so strongly that the life I live today is purely by the Grace of God.  The fact that I’m alive today and have the opportunities that I have is a direct reflection of God’s sovereignty, power and ability to change lives.  Today was a little different.  It was hard, because I never know what they’re thinking when I share my reality with them, but it was also pretty cool to live through the opportunity of sharing more with them.

Then, this evening I walked down to the docks to sit and chat with a friend.  While I was there another guy that I know just because he’s a local came over and sat with us.  This is a guy that I prayed for feverently for the first year or two that I lived in this neighborhood.  He’s a nice guy that I’d had random conversations with…about life and God and beliefs and what not.  The last time I saw him was about 2 months ago.  He walked by, and coldly ignored me when I said hi to him.  He had lost over 50 lbs.  From the looks of him, I knew he was shooting heroine.  I was sad that he ignored me, but sadder still at the realization of how much trouble he was in…drowning in his addiction.  Today he looked better.  He shared with us the fact that he’d been clean for 2 weeks.  My suspicions were correct from the last time I saw him, but he’s now going to meetings a few times a day, every day.  He’s still unsure of what higher being is over this world, but He is earnestly trying to get clean and stay that way.  Eventually,  our conversation led to how faithful God is and how much of a blessing life is…especially when we’re giving second chances…the second chance that he’s now starting to live in.  He recognizes the gift of life that he’s been given, and though he remains unsure of Jesus and the Lord,  I was so glad to talk to him and to celebrate his two weeks of sobriety.

Tonight as I was reading the Word and meditating on the day’s events, I was brought back to the idea of God’s faithfulness.  God is able to do so much in our lives…and with our lives…no matter the pit that we start from or find ourselves in.  God has literally built my life from ashes…despair, anger and regret.  I can see the power he has exhibited in my life and so many lives of the brothers and sisters I meet.  Conviction sneaks in as I realize the steadfastness of his love and my lingering doubt of what God can and will do in this life.  Sometimes it’s difficult to believe God for what he is currently doing, when we can’t see the finished product before our eyes.  yet we must!  Hebrews 11 states it this way:

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” 

After reading this tonight my ADHD eyes shot up a few lines prior to Hebrews 10 where I read this:

“Therefore brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus…and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for he who is promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (vs. 19-25)

We have a God who is so faithful, loving, and forgiving.  He has been at work in our lives and continues to move in accordance with his pleasure and will.  He desires to bless those who continually seek him earnestly (Heb. 11:6).  It may be difficult to believe him when the resolve seems no where in sight, but as the one who stands unchanged…His past faithfulness in our lives serves as an indicator that He who began a good work in us will continue it to its full completion (Phil 1:6).  When unbelief sets in, how rewarding it is to remember and praise him for the Work we have already seen him complete…may that stir us on to believe for those things not yet seen in their completed form…as Hebrews 11:1 states…THIS is faith.

“for the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you and my covenant of peace shall not be removed says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” (Isaiah 54:10).  

Church Minority = The Single Upper 20-Something

Posted by Amy W in Church Planting, Dating & Relationships, life, Life Lessons From Church Planting, singleness, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , , , ,

Naturally, for most, there pre-exists a desire to be in a romantic relationship.  Based on my own personal experiences as well as hours and hours of conversations with women over the last decade, I would add that the self-imposed pressures to be in relationships (and even more so married) are especially strong for women.  We want to know that we’re loved and cared for and “special” to someone…anyone.  We drive ourselves crazy if we’re single too long, or as one once-roommate put it, “our lips get a little too dusty”. Over the time we spend single we actually sway back and forth from the desires running rampant in our hearts to some ”odd” sense of contentment in our single status, perhaps even thinking we just might be called to singleness (and thinking that would be okay).  Eventually we sway back to the desire-overload experience, we start worrying, looking, chasing…and perhaps even arguing, begging with or bribing God to give us the humanly love we know we need and deserve today.  This vicious cycle is our heart’s secret reality.

And this is just the inward tension that exists for singles

As singles learn to deal with their own inward madness they are also watching everyone around them getting hitched.  You know those “hitched” friends… the ones who continually tell their single friends “as soon as they became content in their own singleness” or as soon as they “had given up looking for or thinking there was someone out there for them” God brought their spouse.   And so the outward social pressure begins to take effect.  The hitched friends, grow in number, eventually to the point where the number of single people are very small in comparison, leaving the single with a heightened awareness of their relationship status.

THEN, the marrieds outnumber the singles so much that as soon as they see Single Person A (SPA) and Single Person B (SPB), and without knowing anything at any depth of either two single people, they suddenly make a huge deal over the fact that SPA and SPB are both single and therefore should obviously be interested in each other and get married next week.

The married’s swarm around SPA and/or SPB and begin to talk up the other SP, putting ideas into their heads about how great the other is, and how cute they look together…meanwhile SPA and SPB may not have even said one word to each other.  And when probed even further, SPA or SPB draws out the reality that  the marrieds are just really excited at the idea that 2 singles would become a married…they don’t actually know SPA, SPB or maybe they don’t really know either of them!!

First let me say that I write out this rant smiling completely.  I know that people love- love.  People (especially those who have already found their ”one”) love to see others fall in love and get married.  They also feel for the tension and loneliness that singles feel and want to see them happy with the mate that the SP longs for. Played out, this looks like a lot of talk and “encouragement” for things to happen without really knowing the unique qualities and traits/character of the two single people – you know…those very things that often can make or break relationships in the long run.

But there are a few things that I think SP must be mindful of in the midst of this kind of external pressure:

In our lives, we are called to serve and bring glory to God. I believe that part of how we are used in this capacity is divinely authored by the Lord we serve.  It can be administered during our single years, by remaining single, or by getting married.  Whatever way, the administrator of this is God and the timing of transitions between those life phases belongs to him as well.

Marriage is not the pinnacle of Christian Experience here on earth. There is much that one will learn in relationship with others, so, if it is an interest or desire in our hearts, certainly we should not close ourselves off from building friendships and being open to opportunities and people who are in our midst.  But being married isn’t the end all be all to life.  While most will get married in their lifetime, many are also called to live a single life, which Paul also talks about  in 1 Corinthians 7.  Churches should support singles, encouraging them to move forward in life (enabling and equipping them to prepare for relationship and marriage), but should not do so at the detriment of their ability to embrace where God has them today.  I bring up this idea because I think we are often off balance…clinging to one of the two extremes when talking to singles.    Singleness is good, marriage is good…bring more balance in how this is preached to singles…and perhaps they too will begin to secure balance as they work with God on this particular area of their life.

Outward Pressure pushing friends into relationship is not always healthy. I think that, sure, sometimes people need a little encouragement to make themselves available and prepare themselves to have relationships, but I don’t think it’s healthy for people other than the two entering into a relationship to prayerfully decide that the relationship is a “good idea”.  Not all singles were meant for each other and not all “christian” relationships are good relationships.  The pressure I joked about above will often make the situations and interactions between said single people rather fuzzy.  Because of the peer pressure, they may overlook clear incompatibilities, they may rush into a relationship that either isn’t ordained or isn’t the right timing.  This external pressure can also perpetuate the lie that many singles often inwardly (and secretly) believe that something is wrong with them because they’re still single (or that if another of the opposite sex is still single, there must be something wrong with them).  Their response is to often act immediately (thinking all opportunities are the best or right opportunities) so that they can fix their singleness problem.  Singles make enough poor decisions around relationships (jumping into, running from) due to their own internal pressures that they feel…they really don’t need the outward pressures from friends and family members who love – love and are having a hard time that SPA or SPB is still single at their ripe old age of 27!!

I think relationships are both beautiful, difficult and serious, especially if you view them with an intentionality toward marriage.  Being single is difficult enough as it is in the Christian community.  And the difficulty only increases with age.  There are ways to encourage singles in your midst in a very healthy way…get to know them, be open and honest in accountability-type relationships with them…even if they’re not married (it will teach them a lot, and some singles are actually wise), encourage them and pray with them if they do meet someone they like and are intentionally getting to know…but please, please don’t start playing CUPID…encouraging situations and relationships just for the sake of changing their relationship status.  The latter just isn’t fair…no matter how deeply that person longs for their spouse.

Are Women Moochers?

Posted by Amy W in Dating & Relationships, life, relationships, singleness, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , , ,

Imagine this:

1.  A Boyfriend and girlfriend go to taco bell.  They drive up to order and the girl mentions to the guy that she might want one or two of his nachos.  He refuses to share and instead buys her a whole order of nachos.  She’s now forced to eat all the nachos when all she really wanted was one.  or three. 

2.  A husband and wife sit down at a restaurant.  He orders onion rings.  She reaches for one, he slowly inches the basket away from her and orders her another order of onion rings.

3.  A son makes a sandwich.  His mom, who carried him for 9 long months, isn’t hungry enough for her own whole sandwich, but rather just wants to try one bite of what he made…she takes a bite.  (1 Point for the Mom).  9 long months…the least he can do is offer one bite of a sandwich.  Right?

Now I have to ask, are these women moochers?  All they want is a bite of the food…or two or three chips.  Clearly they aren’t moochers, they are connecting, encouraging wise spending, and providing opportunities for those men to be more like Jesus.  Let me explain.

1.  CONNECTORS – I work in a male dominated industry.  One thing that I’ve learned is that the way to a man’s heart, mind, attention, and sometimes even respect, is through his stomach.  I’m not sure why this is, but food, for men…is a big deal.  Women on the other hand, long to feel connections.  We will spend hours talking and spending time with our girlfriends as a means of connecting.  Sometimes it’s difficult for women to feel connected to men.  They don’t always share their emotions and they don’t always want to talk about important things like The Bachelorette or shoes or PMS.  What better way for a woman to feel connected to her man than for him to share a little bit of his food?  If food is a way to a man’s heart then if he shares it with you, without argument or forcing you to eat an entire order on your own, is a clear and distinct indication of your priority in his life.  And at the end of the day, love should transcend the 5 french fries that us women take off the guys plate.  Men, when we ask for a bite…we’re not mooching, we’re providing opportunities to connect with you.   

2.  ENCOURAGERS OF WISE SPENDING – While some may say two is better than one, I would say it’s also more expensive.  Sharing a few onion rings with the lady next to you is ultimately far less expensive (and not just monetarily).  Aside from saving money, sharing is also less wasteful than getting a second order and having her leave all but the 5 or 6 bites that she ultimately takes from this entirely separate order that the guy has now forced her to tackle.  furthermore, there are starving children in the world…and we’ve just wasted an entire blooming onion because the guy couldn’t share those 7 or so bites with his lady friend.  By sharing you eat less (maybe I should have included obesity in this list), you save money, and you are not wasteful.  I think it makes perfect sense…and the man is not going to go hungry by sharing.  Clearly this isn’t mooching…it’s helping, as women are called to do for their men.  We “help” them save money and finish all the onion rings in the basket.

3.  WHAT WOULD JESUS DO - The final consideration is that by sharing with the women, men are able to walk as Jesus did.  The bible says that, specifically within the context of marriage, men should love their wives as Christ loved the church.  And how did Christ love the hungry church?  He didn’t send them off, he didn’t tell them to go find their own fish.  NO!  He provided and shared what He had with them.  And guess what happened?  Everyone ate and was content…no one went hungry.  When a woman is simply asking for a bite or two, it’s a perfect opportunity for the men to respond as Jesus did.   

A disclaimer for those “un-married men” who might be reading.  Just because you’re not married doesn’t mean that you can’t begin to act out this kind of service when it comes to all the yummy food that you have.  The best predictor for future behavior is present and past behaviors.  Certainly there are examples, but start practicing today for the wife that God brings your way.  When your mom or sister or girlfriend goes in for that 7th or 8th onion ring…don’t slap her hands.  Don’t force her to order her own…you can practice being like Jesus and sharing with her…it will be a beautiful act of love, it will ultimately save you money and you will connect in new ways and trust me, you will not go hungry.  

I think that in ultimately women are not moochers.  We nurture and encourage the growth of our men and our relationships.  When we say we only want a bite…that’s really all it is.  We ask for one onion ring or french fry… we never really take more than 9 or 10.  Guys…love the women in your lives.  They are not moochers.  They are wise, conscious, and usually just a little hungry, but never enough to get their own of anything.  Please just share, after all those same women are notorious for bringing home tons of leftovers (we never finish our food anyway) and you will almost always have first dibs.  Just sayin’.

Note:  This is ”tounge-in-cheek” response to Bill Petruzzo’s rant on women being the ultimate moochers.  It can be read here.

Women and Pornography – A Blind Spot in The Church

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, life, Sex, Uncategorized, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , , ,

I’m sure that it would come as no surprise to say that pornography is a rampant struggle in the church.  The industry revenues about $57 Billion worldwide and no one would dare say that the church is exempt from contributing to this.  The thing that might be a shocker, however, is the relevance of pornography and sexual addictions amongst women…and yes, this is especially true in the church.

Did you know that 1 out of every 3 people that access adult websites are women?

Did you know that 9.4 million women access adult sites each month?

Did you know that almost 20% of all women struggle with pornography (this equates to 1 out of every 5 or 6 women)

And you probably wouldn’t know any of this because about 70% of those women who are struggling with pornography are keeping their activities a secret.

My question is, if the statistics are so clear on whether or not women struggle with this, why has the church, for the most part, not yet addressed this issue?  For the last nine years I have sat in churches and listened to pastors speak about sin and temptation.  Whenever pornography is thrown out there it is always addressed to the men!  And what I mean is explicitly saying, “men…pornography…etc, etc, etc.”  When pornography is addressed with women, it is most often in the context of their response to the struggles that their husbands have.

Some might argue that women and pornography should not be addressed from the pulpit, but rather in the context of a women’s ministry.  Okay, I disagree…I think all sin, if it is being addressed from the pulpit, should not be spoken of or referenced as only applying to some people.  We are all filled with struggles, temptations, and sins of all types.  Why present them to the people attending as if it only applies to one specific type of person?  What about that one person who is not part of that select group, but carries the same struggle?  Do we lead them to believe that they are alone in this struggle?  Because that’s just what happens.  It breeds a sense of isolation and shame…which inevitably causes those struggles to become deep buried secrets in their lives…and when it’s buried deep, in secret, the potential for it to continue or even grow is granted.

Even in the context of women’s ministries, I have not seen this issue addressed adequately.  A few years ago I was asked to help facilitate a 1 day women’s conference.  The idea was to bring women together, young and old, to discuss ideas that are relevant to our identities in christ.  I was a youth leader at the time so I lead the breakout session for the pre-teens and teens.  My co-facilitator had the breakout session for the older women.  During her session she brought up the topic of pornography and masterbation.  Several of the more outspoken women in the group were not at all receptive, and actually repulsed by the idea that she felt the need to address those issues with them.  What?  Really?  I am discouraged to say that this attitude is only perpetuated by the church’s (as a whole) choice to only view pornography in a “men’s issue” vacuum.

The most discouraging aspect of the church not taking initiative or living in a bubble on this issue is that studies reveal that while less women than men are viewing pornography, the women are far more likely to act out on these temptations, engaging in sex with several partners, causal sex, and even affairs.  If the issue is not addressed, the church is only perpetuating the shame for those women who do struggle.  I have talked to many women about this…feeling alone, filled with shame, confused and stuck in their struggles.  Since it is not addressed, there seems, for them, to be no avenue for honesty about their sin, outlet to discuss and find accountability.

The reality is the statistics point to the fact that the one woman sitting in the church on sunday morning knowing her struggle is not as alone as she feels.  The pastor may be speaking about pornography to the men in the room, but she is not alone in her struggle.  She needs to know, as we all do with our private struggles, that she is not the only one…and that there is freedom and strength available to her first from God and second from a community of sisters that may not yet know what they can do for each other.

Why has the church not yet opened up this possibility for the women in their congregations?

Several years ago I went to Ghana to speak with teens about God.  During that time I had probably 20 or 30 different girls come up to me specifically asking for prayer over their interest in (and in some cases addictions to) pornography.  All of them told me that they had no one that they could talk to about this.  I think they came to me because I was a Godly women, but also a stranger, a person who did not know them well enough to judge them and would not be there long enough to ostracize them.  These were teenagers!  And I’m telling you, it’s not an isolated experience in Ghana…it is just as prevalent here on the home front.

I’m just venting this because after years of being in the church, discussions with other women and men…I realize that many if not most will voice the opinion that women are immune from pornography.  It’s a lie and I wish there was more of an avenue for these struggles to be worked through for women.  I think the starting point would be for the church to acknowledge and accept and “preach” the reality that sin and temptation does not attack based on race or gender, but that we are all susceptible…and we all have the same God who has sent His Son.  We all have access to transformation, regardless of what the struggle is…and regardless of who we are, man or woman.

Paul’s Prayer; Our Hope

Posted by Amy W in A Study on Ephesians, Christianity, Jesus, Uncategorized

“For this reason…I have not stopped giving thanks for you…I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” (Ephesians 1:15-23)

Paul writes this prayer for the saints just after he has laid out his summary of what exactly our past election and future perfection entails.  It is for the reasons he laid out in the preceeding 14 verses that He is praying for us.  Because it’s true, he knows it and wants us to know it too.

The funny thing with these “truths” though.   Most of us know them…well.  We can cite and explain them.  We learned them in sunday school and have shared them with others.  Yet, so often we live our lives as if we’ve never heard them before.  Our lives (the emotions, the behaviors, and that unruly flesh) have not caught up with our intellect.  ”For this reason” Paul prays.

As we begin to know and grow in an understanding of our knowledge of God transformation happens.  The truth of what was, what is, and what is to come ushers in a hope that will keep us fighting strong until the day of Glory.  The entire point of that hope is an expectation of the completion of God’s promise.  Followers of Christ have been bought into a covenant relationship with their creator.  And so clear throughout scripture is God’s remembrance and fulfillment of the covenants he established.  If it were granted, given, finished today hope would be unnecessary.

In Romans it is written:

“Hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what he already has? (Rom. 8:24)

We have been invited into something so glorious that our minds fail to fully comprehend, yet Paul prays that we might come to know the hope of what is available to us today and for eternity.  As life throws curve balls, disappointments, pain, disaster, and confusion we must rely on a growing sense of hope to pull us through.  It is the key to fighting strong and ending well.

I would say that while we know these truths…and intellectually we may “hope” for what God promises, many of us get hit by life and allow the great accuser to sit at our sides, pulling out whatever tiny glimpse of light that may remain in those moments.  We are miserable, unhappy, absorbed in all that isn’t right.  YET 2000 years ago, God ordained that Paul would know enough to know that we needed this prayer.  Not only did he say it…it ended up in scripture for us to read and meditate upon today.

Paul’s prayer is a for those of us who are tempted to live spiritually desolate lives.  He, through the authority of God, prays that we would instead walk daily with an appropriate understanding of the inheretance to which we are called…and that hope would grow and keep us moving forward with that understanding.

There are many things in life that I have hoped for and do hope for.  I’m not going to say that God will grant us every wish and desire, but I know that a right hope in Him and what He will provide for us here on earth and eternally in Heaven is essential to our daily walk.

What do I hope for?  For a husband, a family, to see the world and see others find freedom in Christ.  I have many others…my list could probably be a mile long if I wanted to type (or thought that people would read for that long).  I hope because I do not have.  What do you hope for with all of your heart?  Think of those things…and pray that God might increase your hope in Him to meet and then exceed those hopes.  What he holds for us is an eternal inheretance…something more precious than gold…something well worth hoping for.  I am challenging myself to do the same…I am confident that God will meet those requests for all of us.