Category Archives: women in ministry

Surprised By Grace

Posted by Amy W in Life Lessons From Church Planting, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , , , ,

In about a week, my church will celebrate it’s one year birthday.  Though there was a growing team of people meeting for a little while longer than that, it was a year ago that they had the “launch service” – the service that marked the official start of the church.

I was there at the launch service – my first time at this new church.  I had been praying for changes in my life and, more specifically, a new church when a flyer showed up at my door.  I went that first week and have been going ever since.

This past weekend we had our church’s first Woman’s Retreat.  We had space for 30 women to go, and after some last minute cancellations and fill-ins we arrived at the site with 29 women + 1 speaker.

Even though this was my first ever retreat for women, I ended up being part of the planning team.  My responsibility was to prepare a prayer room (which also meant encouraging the prayer team ladies to sign up and help pull something together) and then at the last minute was asked to be a discussion group leader  when another was unable to fill the slot.  Immediately after the first planning meeting, the prayer team started praying for the event and for the ladies that God would be bringing this weekend.

Leading up to the retreat, our prayer team came up with some ideas for the prayer room and we scrambled together supplies.  By 3 PM Friday, we were at the house.  We walk in the door only to realize that the prayer room is an open space just off the main entrance filled with a hot tub and exercise equipment.

As we started processing the difficult situation before us, I thought of a dear friend who loved the quote, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and encouraged the team that we can still make this space work if we get a little creative.  We moved some of the exercise equipment out of the room, we rearranged the remaining pieces, plugged in a few night lights, and found 2 dividers to create “walls” where none existed.  When the prayer room opened that night, it actually turned out to be a pretty decent space.  Once we were done setting up, the prayer team walked the entire house praying over spaces, rooms, and each attendee by name.

Later that night the guests arrive…and God starts to work.

Over the course of the weekend I saw girls engaged in conversations, connecting, laughing, and relaxing.  We were encouraged and challenged by our wonderful speaker.  In discussion groups, the women opened up and “got real” about what was going on in their life and what God was (or wasn’t) doing.  Tissues went flying, we cooked too much food, and I think we even got a complaint called in to the local authorities because we were being “way too loud” during worship.

Sunday afternoon, I was the last person to use the prayer room.  I sat there praying and praising, feeling completely overwhelmed by what God had done:

  • Women who I know have been seeking community and feeling like they “don’t fit in” sincerely connected with at least 1 new person, if not more on this trip.
  • Several women had very deep and personal encounters with God…the Holy Spirit was so evident by Sunday morning’s worship session that you could taste it.
  • I “peeked in” on the prayer room several times over the weekend to see women praying, having their devotional, and partaking in the prayer room activity.
  • We didn’t have Sunday morning discussion groups, because by the end of the talk and worship time, 2 women had decided that they wanted to get baptized.  Everyone ran out to watch and celebrate on the beach together.  One of these women gave me the honor to be one of the two to go in the water to baptize her.

By Sunday night I found myself overwhelmed again as I saw the connections and comments flying across the walls of the ladies’ Facebook pages.  (oh the movements of His hand may I never miss…)

I think it’s funny to know God and have faith in God, but then find ourselves surprised by what He actually does in different situations.  Months ago I confessed how scared I was that I might not be able to do what He had called me to do.  I am continually brought back to God’s exhortation to Moses that the fruit of his obedience would be a sign to him that God has sent him.  This weekend I felt like I saw and was affirmed that God has not only brought me and others to this place for this time, but gave me a personal reminder of HOW BIG HE IS.  Sometimes God moves to show the unbelieving generations who he is…and at other times He moves to remind his children that he alone is God.

I left Sunday afternoon feeling a strong conviction that I need to obey him and be present in the service and ministry opportunities He has put before me, today.  Being obedient here and now will move me into whatever plans he has for me in 1 months, or 6 months or years into the future.  They may be different, or more of the same.  Regardless, if I focus too much on what may or may not lie ahead, I might miss the beautiful movement of his Hand today.   This weekend I saw His hand…and I am in awe at how good, tender, and completely faithful He is to His daughters.

As I reflect on all that happened, I find myself especially surprised by grace. You see, it is the grace that comes from Christ that enables us to stand as a co-laborer with Him, appointed to bear fruit for His Glory (2 Cor 6:1, John 15:16).  We are able to serve out a calling  (no matter how big or small it may seem) because of His Grace.  We do not deserve it, nor are we entitled to it…yet, we are allowed to experience it.

I am not in any way responsible for what happened this weekend, but I am tasting the sweet blessing that comes from the steps of obedience that have been placed before me and the team of people I serve with.  I don’t know if it is the culmination of months of praying and planning, or if it the simple realization that God is living and active today, either way this feeling…this “surprised by grace” place is one I hope to sit in for as long as He’ll let me.

Where Are All The Female Leaders?

Posted by Amy W in Business Talk, life, women in ministry and tagged with , ,

I have said this before, I know, but I work in a male dominated industry.  At my location specifically there are about 200 people.  Of those, 8 of them are women.  I don’t know of a single female “location” manager…at least not one that I can recall, and those who have held other management positions at each “location” are far and few between.  While, I expect this kind of thing in my industry, I’m also realizing that the lack of female leaders spreads across industries, for-profit and not-for-profit alike.

For years, the woman’s voice grew louder and louder…trying to push through the glass ceiling that our male colleagues seemingly kept over us.  And women have made progress, but the reality is…they’re still highly under-represented in higher level leadership roles.  What’s going on?

What if, the problem isn’t what we thought it was?

Now men, hear me out…I’m not going to bash you…promise :-)

What if the problem isn’t so much the glass ceiling, but rather is us women, ourselves?  What if the way has been paved?  What if the biggest hinderance is the woman staring back at us in the mirror?

I listened to a short lecture this evening by Sheryl Sandberg, COO at Facebook about Women in the workplace.  It was rather interesting and is linked at the bottom of this blog.  In her talk she challenges women to be mindful of our own roles in our own careers and our destiny therein.

She brings to light that women are less aggressive, less likely to negotiate or jump at positions, more inclined to deny personal credit for their accomplishments, and often have a lot more to balance and consider when it comes to furthering their career…especially with regards to family and their roles once they get home.  As a result, we tend to take ourselves out of the game much quieter and quicker than our male counterparts.

I’m not a wife and mother, so I don’t really understand that part of the balance, at least not in an experiential sense, but I did recognize and relate to a few of the pitfalls that Sheryl mentions in her brief talk.  I never really thought of them as setbacks, but its something for me to reflect on over the coming months…

What if, for us women, we really are our own worst critic?  What it’s because of our own actions (or lack thereof) that we don’t make it into that corner office with a view?  And if this has been the trend for the women before us, how will we, the younger generation of women in the workforce, move to change those tendencies so that we are able to accomplish all that we are skilled and desire to do?  Man up…and Move up, of course…with our foot on the Gas going full speed ahead!

Be prepared for a bump or two: driven, powerful women are often not liked very much and will probably be called a name or two along the way.  If all else fails, you can always turn to Ben and Jerry’s and your favorite glass of red wine to help console you.

Here is Sheryl’s talk on You Tube:

 

Trying To Make It In A Man’s World

Posted by Amy W in Business Talk, life, Media, Random Thoughtz, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , ,

Later this month, August 26, we will celebrate 90 years since the 19th Ammendment was ratified to allow women to vote.  It was a long journey for women leading up to that vote, and it’s been an even longer journey ever since.

I grew up with mostly boys.  I was the tom-girl that played football, climbed trees, and raced the boys…hoping that one day I just might beat them.  In college I was an engineering student.  The imbalance of men-to-women was seen very clearly.  While chemical engineering held the best guy-to-girl ratio (60:40), it was clear that I was setting myself to stay in the minority.  As if engineering itself wasn’t enough, I found myself walking into an industry that is well rooted, established, and by extremely male dominated.  As my work experience grows, I can’t help but aknowledge the tension that I feel as a woman living in this world today.

I recently started reading Women, Work & The Art of Savoir Faire by Mireille Guiliano.  In it she attempts to communicate to women business sense and sensibility, all the while aknowledging that men and women are different…and those differences are seen not only in the obvious population percents, but also in the less obvious ways of how things are handled and communicated.

In the first couple chapters I began to notice (which she also parenthetically acknowledged) that in trying to drive home points, she uses stories and analogies that women will relate to.  The one that stuck out the most was her use of cooking a dinner to articulate one of her points, noting that had she been one of her male peers, she would have used a sports analogy.

Her example immediately took me back to a luncheon I attended a week ago, where one of the directors made a reference to baseball during our conversation.  I had no response, no rebuttal, nothing.  I know NOTHING about baseball…nor can I even remember if the team that was mentioned was his team, or the rival of his team (sorry!).  I can usually hang if it’s about football…but baseball?  I’m screwed!  I don’t think I’m alone…

Think about it, camaraderie, rapport, and business relationships are often built on the golf course, or over a few beers discussing sports.  Where does that leave those women who have goals and aspirations, but don’t play golf or know the difference between the Red Socks and the Redskins?  Perhaps tea or coffee is much more their flow?  Families and yoga, perhaps.

Women have made so much progress in the traditionally male-dominated fields, but I must say that the uphill journey isn’t over and we’ve got a long way to go.  Understanding the way people build relationships is only one key to sustaining the progress that women have already attained.  Working in a male dominated business industry, it might seem as if the only way to do that will be to push your interests and passions aside for the sake of entertaining theirs.  I’m not sure that’s the most effective route, but I’m also not advocating that the men in the world must now bow down and begin to communicate and attempt to relate to women as they are most easily relatable.

I’m not sure I have any answers, but I do think that regardless of who you are trying to engage, the best place to meet is somewhere in the middle ground.  Think about it, (to draw from my mathematical understanding) the shortest distance between two points is in the middle of the line that connects those two points.  Whether you’re talking the differences of men and women or the differences that are found across the generations (another hot topic in business these days), it takes effort on part of all involved to build those relationships, and perhaps we should be open the reality that in 5 or 10 years it might not happen on the golf course.  Perhaps it’ll happen over facebook or on a blog, or maybe it’ll happen in the company sponsored yoga classes.  It doesn’t mean that we can sit back and expect everyone to bend to us…sometimes it means that we step out and learn a little about baseball, or know how to ski and play golf.  Perhaps it means that we stumble our way through a conversation on cooking or the newest blockbuster, that also happens to be a little on the chick-flick side of the spectrum.

I’m not really sure what this will look like for me personally, but it does remind me that as a young professional who aspires to grow in my career, it won’t always be as easy as building relationships with my girlfriends.  We can’t expect to only connect with our mentors over Starbucks and tweets, but we shouldn’t always have to know everything about baseball, or hockey or whatever for rapport to be built.  Maybe it’s about understanding those around us, being willing to share a little about ourselves, and being ready for whatever change may bring to what we think we understand of navigating the worlds in which we work.  Whether the Redskins will be better than the Ravens this year might clinch the connection today, but change is inevitable, and other avenues might be better utilized in the future…recognizing and appropriately responding to what those are is anyone’s guess.  And for that we all, young and old, male and female, must be ready.

Women and Pornography – A Blind Spot in The Church

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, life, Sex, Uncategorized, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , , ,

I’m sure that it would come as no surprise to say that pornography is a rampant struggle in the church.  The industry revenues about $57 Billion worldwide and no one would dare say that the church is exempt from contributing to this.  The thing that might be a shocker, however, is the relevance of pornography and sexual addictions amongst women…and yes, this is especially true in the church.

Did you know that 1 out of every 3 people that access adult websites are women?

Did you know that 9.4 million women access adult sites each month?

Did you know that almost 20% of all women struggle with pornography (this equates to 1 out of every 5 or 6 women)

And you probably wouldn’t know any of this because about 70% of those women who are struggling with pornography are keeping their activities a secret.

My question is, if the statistics are so clear on whether or not women struggle with this, why has the church, for the most part, not yet addressed this issue?  For the last nine years I have sat in churches and listened to pastors speak about sin and temptation.  Whenever pornography is thrown out there it is always addressed to the men!  And what I mean is explicitly saying, “men…pornography…etc, etc, etc.”  When pornography is addressed with women, it is most often in the context of their response to the struggles that their husbands have.

Some might argue that women and pornography should not be addressed from the pulpit, but rather in the context of a women’s ministry.  Okay, I disagree…I think all sin, if it is being addressed from the pulpit, should not be spoken of or referenced as only applying to some people.  We are all filled with struggles, temptations, and sins of all types.  Why present them to the people attending as if it only applies to one specific type of person?  What about that one person who is not part of that select group, but carries the same struggle?  Do we lead them to believe that they are alone in this struggle?  Because that’s just what happens.  It breeds a sense of isolation and shame…which inevitably causes those struggles to become deep buried secrets in their lives…and when it’s buried deep, in secret, the potential for it to continue or even grow is granted.

Even in the context of women’s ministries, I have not seen this issue addressed adequately.  A few years ago I was asked to help facilitate a 1 day women’s conference.  The idea was to bring women together, young and old, to discuss ideas that are relevant to our identities in christ.  I was a youth leader at the time so I lead the breakout session for the pre-teens and teens.  My co-facilitator had the breakout session for the older women.  During her session she brought up the topic of pornography and masterbation.  Several of the more outspoken women in the group were not at all receptive, and actually repulsed by the idea that she felt the need to address those issues with them.  What?  Really?  I am discouraged to say that this attitude is only perpetuated by the church’s (as a whole) choice to only view pornography in a “men’s issue” vacuum.

The most discouraging aspect of the church not taking initiative or living in a bubble on this issue is that studies reveal that while less women than men are viewing pornography, the women are far more likely to act out on these temptations, engaging in sex with several partners, causal sex, and even affairs.  If the issue is not addressed, the church is only perpetuating the shame for those women who do struggle.  I have talked to many women about this…feeling alone, filled with shame, confused and stuck in their struggles.  Since it is not addressed, there seems, for them, to be no avenue for honesty about their sin, outlet to discuss and find accountability.

The reality is the statistics point to the fact that the one woman sitting in the church on sunday morning knowing her struggle is not as alone as she feels.  The pastor may be speaking about pornography to the men in the room, but she is not alone in her struggle.  She needs to know, as we all do with our private struggles, that she is not the only one…and that there is freedom and strength available to her first from God and second from a community of sisters that may not yet know what they can do for each other.

Why has the church not yet opened up this possibility for the women in their congregations?

Several years ago I went to Ghana to speak with teens about God.  During that time I had probably 20 or 30 different girls come up to me specifically asking for prayer over their interest in (and in some cases addictions to) pornography.  All of them told me that they had no one that they could talk to about this.  I think they came to me because I was a Godly women, but also a stranger, a person who did not know them well enough to judge them and would not be there long enough to ostracize them.  These were teenagers!  And I’m telling you, it’s not an isolated experience in Ghana…it is just as prevalent here on the home front.

I’m just venting this because after years of being in the church, discussions with other women and men…I realize that many if not most will voice the opinion that women are immune from pornography.  It’s a lie and I wish there was more of an avenue for these struggles to be worked through for women.  I think the starting point would be for the church to acknowledge and accept and “preach” the reality that sin and temptation does not attack based on race or gender, but that we are all susceptible…and we all have the same God who has sent His Son.  We all have access to transformation, regardless of what the struggle is…and regardless of who we are, man or woman.

Looking for A Place To Stand:

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , ,

Understanding the Views of Women in Ministry and resulting implications for Today 

Have you ever wondered how it is that so many of the churches that exist today, while all in agreement of who Christ is and the major elements of the Gospel that includes our sin and consequential salvation because of Him, differ in such vast ways when it comes to other theological or doctrinal ideas.  Debates continue to exist and thrive over topics such as free-will and predestination, the ministration of spiritual gifting and what the end times may be or look like.  I question and ponder this phenomenon often, especially when, depending on who you talk to and how well they can communicate their views, scriptural evidence is found as utilized at the root of their beliefs.     

Generally, when we approach such topics, we come at them with our own biased lenses, carrying with us the ideas and preconceived notions imbedded in us from our own history of teachings, readings, and personal research.  We can easily dismiss the alternative ideas, because in our minds, scripture can only say one thing – and that one thing, just happens to line up with the pre-determined belief that we carry into the debate/discussion.  Rarely are we open to alternative ideas…rarely do we go to the very things we are taught to critically examine and compare our ideas with the other views that continue to thrive in churches and seminaries today.  Rarely do we truly examine why two people with the same bible and a similar commitment to Christ, can hold to and exhort very different theological viewpoints.  

Before I continue, let me clarify this one thing: I’m not promoting an adherence to relativism – meaning scripture may mean different things to different people and that’s okay.  NO!  I believe truth is absolute.  BUT I also cling to Deuteronomy 29:29 which states that the “secret things belong to the Lord…but the things revealed to us belong to us…forever.”  I don’t think it’s appropriate to say all views are correct.  To say that is to say that scripture is not absolute and that scripture can and will contradict without loosing its credibility.  I strongly disagree.  I do, however, look at the existence of such widespread and long-standing debates and realize that either we’ve really missed the mark, or we’re beginning to assert absolute revelation in areas where God may have intended mystery to exist.  I grant God the credit to any and all knowledge and scriptural understanding that I may have today, but I also acknowledge my own fallen nature…realizing that what I know or think I know now…may only be a knowledge in part, and that one day, I, as with all of us, will, by God’s grace know in full (1 Corinthians 13:9-12).        

So… 

Several months ago, I was reading through Titus.  I became extremely burdened by the idea of intergenerational ministry for women.  As I started praying for these ideas, my sensitivity for women in the church grew.  Suddenly, everywhere I looked I began to see opportunities available for men to grow and develop in their gifting, but no alternative offering for women.  I began to see gaps in the utilization of women in Christian events and in church ministries.  My own desire to grow in my gifting and better use them for the Church grew tremendously.  I tried to close my eyes and look away.  For some reason, fear perhaps, I wanted to avoid having to examine the issues of gender roles and ministry.  Lucky for me…I can’t shake it.  Everywhere I turned the ideas came up and I began to realize that this is a path may be putting before me.  For the past 6 weeks or so, I’ve been pondering over and reading about the various views of gender and ministry roles.  The more I look…the more I realize that several views are supported…and all of those views claim to grow from scripture.   

I started on this journey thinking there are only 2 views:  The first being that only man can lead and shepherd in churches and in the family, the second being that men and women were created equal and should be viewed as such both in the home as well as in the church.  What I’m discovering, however, is that while these views are very prominent they are only 2 in a circle of many.  I know what I believe today, but do I only believe that because it’s the only view I’ve been taught?  I find myself surrounded by questions:  

Why is it that women are less allowed to lead and minister in churches, but then you see ministries of Beth Moore, Kay Author, and Nancy Ortberg which are thriving…and allowed…and encouraged? 

Why is it that more and more women are becoming ordained? 

Why is it that the Catholic Church threatened to excommunicate any priest who supports the ordination of a female priest?

Why is it that everyone seems to know what the bible says, yet so little agreement is found?

What does God really want?  What does scripture say?

And perhaps more personally, 

What are the implications for all of this for me and the roles that I may or may not be allowed to have?  What does this mean for the gifting others have claimed to see in me?  Did God give this to keep to myself?  Or did He distribute them so that his kingdom might grow? 

I am full of questions, and I’ve barely started out on this journey of discovery.  I acknowledge that I walk into this with my own preconceived notions.  I acknowledge that what I discover may produce convictions that may go against what I’d like to do in life, or may further open doors for serving and encouraging spiritual growth for others around me.

 The questions are many…The time is exhausting…but regardless, I invite my readers to join me as I journey to find a place to stand, not only as a woman, but also as a leader and a  Child of God.