As I’ve walked (or barely crawled) along a Christ centered path over the past 10 years, I have also began to notice how truths and encouraging concepts are spun in such a way that they feed or feed on our selfish tendencies.  People serve because of the growth or “feel-good-ness” they will experience in that service project.  People ask God for forgiveness so that they will ultimately go to heaven not hell (the emphasis not being on God and who He is and what He has done, but rather on us and where we will spend eternity).  And of course, as often discussed in books for singles, the ol’  “stop looking and the one will arrive” or “I gave up dating and 1 month later the one showed up”.  All of these are good ideas, truths, and principles, but their application in our lives, if we’re not careful may completely miss the point.  The result is a continued focus on our needs, fears, and longings instead of on the God who really longs for the attention and the credit as it is due.

This blog will focus on the last of those examples: “kissing dating good-bye in order to get your prince (or princess, if you’re a guy reading this) that you’d like to kiss.”  Here’s the scenario:

Earlier this week I posted something on facebook about my co-workers wanting to get and screen dates for me.  Shortly after I posted this, I got a message from a friend wanting to set me up with their friend.  They first posed the idea to me before Christmas, and I was all about it.  I’m not sure what happened, other than nothing happened, until Monday afternoon when they again asked to set up me with their friend whom I’ve never met.  Probably making things more complex than they need to be, I’m trying to figure out how or when to respond to this latest inquiry.

So, I was sharing this along with a few other ambiguous details with a few friends the other night.  After a few questions and a lot of laughs, I may have made a comment along the lines of, “I’m not in a rush for (or wanting to rush) anything, but I’m ready for something”.  The responses I got from my friends were similar to the advice I’ve read many times in dating books  (usually by people who were married by the time they were 23 or 24):

“The right one will come when you’re least expecting it”

“Take a break from guys…the one always shows up when you take a break from guys”

Soap Box #1

I will preface the rest of this post by stating the following:  These concepts in and of themselves are not bad concepts.  At the root of these suggestions we find good, even great, intentions.  For example, there are times when relationships or dating can become a thing of an idol and we need to take a break.  These breaks will often help tear down the alters that relationship and dating idols build up in our hearts (or repair the damage left by previous relationships/relations).  In these “breaks” we are often able to create space to refocus on our first love, Jesus.  Along similar lines, not expecting or  being on the hunt for a mate can help us learn how to develop and sustain healthy relationships with people of the opposite sex.  It allows you to begin to see people for who they are in Christ…not just how they would look holding your hand.

In the right situations and conversations, this advice can be incredibly encouraging and good, but we should be cognizant of how and when we drop this kind of advice on our friends.  Sometimes someone really needs to heed this kind of advice, other times, not so much.

The downside is that if we’re not careful, our flesh may turn words meant to encourage into actions that are done simply to receive the things we want.  We might be tempted to give up things, in this case dating, in order to usher in the arrival of the mate we long for.  We might stop expecting or pretend to not care about a bf/gf in order to convince God to provide us with one.  We might vocally “take a break” from guys/girls because it’s the spiritual thing to do and looks good to the people around us.  Internally, however, we secretly hope that this break culminates with the happily ever after ending we’ve been dreaming about.  Again the motives are not on godly things, but selfishly focused on the goal that we’re ultimately wanting in our lives.  This can come on part of the person receiving and applying the advice in their own lives, or may come in the motivation for suggesting such things.  It’s not always clear-cut, but we should be aware of how easily concepts meant for good can be twisted into something that becomes our means of earning or even convincing God to provide to us the things we want most.  It’s foolish and requires us the courage to be self-aware and honest with ourselves regarding our own motives and intentions for doing certain things.

Soapbox #2

In the grand scheme of things, I know that these words as spoken to me last night were meant to be encouraging.  Let’s be honest, do we always know what to say to our single friends who are approaching “flirty- one” (31)? Ha! I certainly don’t…and I’m THAT GIRL!! There are always those given responses that we throw out, but as I sit here and reflect on the night’s conversation, I can’t help but think that context and knowing the audience to which you are delivering advice and encouragement is very important (this concept spans far beyond singleness and dating by the way).

You see, I’m not the girl who goes on a lot of dates.  I’m the girl who rarely gets dates.  I chose to take “breaks” along the way and God (clearly) forced me into “no dating breaks” in order to work on and heal areas of my life that desperately needed healing.  A large portion of my Christian walk (for better or worse) has been a big, huge, break.  Some people need to start their break today…others need to step away from the “break” and start to embrace the idea of dating and being open or awkward (because there are always awkward dates…aren’t there?) in attempts to find one that fits.  Depending on where a person falls on this spectrum at any given time is probably where you want to encourage them.  Maybe I will need a break from guys again one day, I’m not sure that applies to me today.  Sorry.

Over the breaks and non-breaks, those of my choice and those of God’s, I have prayed to learn the contentment that Paul tells us he learned in Philippians 4:11-13.  I have tasted joy in waiting and boasted of peaceful contentment.  At other times, I have wrestled with deferred hopes and restless longings that I question will ever be filled (Proverbs 13:12).  Both responses appearing as if they were some kind of natural ebb and flow of life…coming and going…as if it were God’s way of keeping me on my toes   The conclusion I arrive at most often is if God wants me to be single tomorrow…it’ll be okay because He’s cared for me as a single woman through today.

I do not expect anything, but I am hopeful and ready for something

…whether that be later today, next week, or 30 years from now.

(ehhh…God, please don’t make it 30 years from now)

With where I stand today, the things and words that are most encouraging to me aren’t to close off and pull away from opportunities…it’s to be more open and trust that regardless of what does or does not unfold in my life that God is still my creator, He knows me intimately, and He has purposes for my life that are good.   In addition to all the advice found in books encouraging singles to kiss dating goodbye, I can’t help but conclude that these are also viable advice options when trying to encourage single friends (especially since taking a break from guys/girls isn’t what a person always needs to do).  Consider the person you’re encouraging and the context of their situation, perhaps besides just listening to and praying with them, this is the best advice and support that you can offer them:

Be open

Be patient

Remain hopeful beyond circumstance

Always trust God to be who He says He is, regardless of what transpires as we live out the 3 previous items.

Simple, but incredibly complex and not always the easiest to do well when we’re dealing with life.  Again, these probably apply to circumstances that span far beyond dating…this is just the material I had to work with today

For months I found myself increasingly caught up in survival mode…”auto pilot”, as my pastor called it the other day.  Fall started out wonderful, school was good, church was good, work was changing, but good.  The pace picked up with the increasing changes.  Survival mode kicked in as I got really sick and tried to manage work + school.  Eventually in the hustle and bustle I either got way too busy, or a little disappointed in God that everything was hitting me at once.  Either way, everything was getting done, but the time between my talks with God grew longer and longer….  I was doing a lot…but somewhere along the way, in the course of months, I completely forgot to simply be.

We all go through these seasons of busyness.  Sometimes the distractions are truly distractions, but sometimes we get caught up in doing really good things – being responsible with our kids, our work, our school, and our church ministries.  We do, do, do…and we strive to do well.  What I find happens, however, is that in the race to do, we forget that first and foremost we must simply be.

In Psalm 46:10 we find this:

“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth. 

A few weeks ago, I ran off to a women’s retreat.  It was the first time in months that I had really allowed myself to just sit and absorb encouragement, truth, and wait for whatever God had to speak to me.  On Saturday afternoon, I went for a walk by myself to pray, confess, and just decompress everything that was happening in life.  Being on the water, I wandered down this old pier and stood at the end.  The sun was shining, a breeze was blowing…and I just stood there.  Music played from my iPod, but the only words I kept hearing was “be still”.

“Be still, Amy.  KNOW that I am your sovereign LORD.”

 I closed my eyes and stood there, still, for nearly an hour.  Today I wandered around the National Arboretum in DC.  It was beautiful and while I was with friends, I found myself lost in thought many times…always coming back to those same words that whispered to me on the pier a few weeks before.

Be still and know.

I strive. I fight.  I burn out.  Work continues.  Ministry and opportunity continue to grow…I look and want to understand what I can do to grow our prayer team.  How can I encourage those around me to seek the Lord and grow in their relationship with him?  I default to find things I can, could, would, should do…when really I need to LISTEN to this verse that keeps invading my brain and simply take the time to be still.  I need to be available to Him again, seeking His voice and His word, knowing full well how sweet His active presence is in our lives…sigh.

]]> http://wingfiea.com/2012/04/14/be-still-know/feed/ 1 wingfiea Dogwood http://wingfiea.com/2012/04/02/brussels-quinoa/ http://wingfiea.com/2012/04/02/brussels-quinoa/#comments Tue, 03 Apr 2012 02:06:28 +0000 Amy W http://wingfiea.com/?p=1042 Keep reading →]]> I found this recipe while perusing Pintrist the other day and decided to add it into my meal plan for this week.  It was my first time cooking quinoa, brussels, and leeks – so don’t be intimidated if you’ve never tried to work with them before!  If I can do it, so can you!

Overall it was fairly easy to make…and better yet, delicious to eat.  I can’t take all the credit, however…this recipe was originally found on The Gluten Free Goddess Blog…the pictures are my own.

If you’ve never prepared leeks and/or brussels sprouts before I suggest you take a quick look at these videos so that you know what you’re getting yourself into.  Very easy to do…and will help keep sand from being cooked with your food

Video From Gourmet Magazine Test Kitchen : How to Prepare Leeks 

Video From Fine Cooking:  How to Prepare Brussels Sprouts

Ingredients:

1 cup Quinoa
1 leek, washed, trimmed, sliced
1 lb. Brussels sprouts, washed, trimmed, halved (or quartered, if large)
1/4 cup silvered blanched almonds
1/4 cup plump golden raisins, packed (I used regular raisins, since that’s what I already had)
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons golden balsamic vinegar (U used regular balsamic vinegar, since that’s what I already had)
Sea salt, to taste
1-2 garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons dried dill

Instructions:

1.  Prepare the quinoa according to the package directions (approx. 1 c. quinoa + 2 c. water, boil, turn down heat and simmer until the water is gone and the quinoa is fluffy)

2.  Preheat oven to 400 Deg F.

3.  Prepare the leeks and brussels to be roasted in the oven.  (Watch the videos above to see how this is done).

slice up 1 leek for roasting

Finish the "preparing process" by soaking the leeks in cold water, separating out the many layers. Spoon out the leeks when finished and towel dry. DON'T POUR or strain them from the bowl.

4.  Toss Leeks, Brussels, almonds, and raisins in the olive oil.

5.  Add balsamic vinegar, salt, vinegar and dill to the mix.  Toss to coat evenly.

6.  Place in a pan and roast vegetables at 400 DegF for 20-25 minutes, until brussels are tender.  Toss mixture once while cooking.  I cooked mine for 23 minutes and could have gone maybe 8 minutes longer…but I was hungry

Roasted veggies, darker in color compared to the gluten free goddess...I'm assuming because of the balsamic vinegar that I had on hand.

7.  Finally, toss with the cooked quinoa and enjoy!

Finished product = Delish!

For nearly two months I looked forward to March 30, 2012.  It was the start of 6 days of dates and adventures with the California Kid to see what kind of chemistry was between us and to then discuss what our thoughts were regarding a relationship and what that might look like if we both wanted to move forward.  I made reservations for a sunset cruise where we could wander off for a few hours exploring the Chesapeake Bay and one of the old light houses that line the shores.  I bought bus tickets to go to New York City to explore things not yet seen by either of us.  I bought a few random things that I was going to send him as teasers leading up to our dates.  All those beautifully silly, but sweet things people do when things are new and exciting in relationships I did and was doing when reality showed up.

And now today.  I was fine today…at least until I sat in my hairdresser’s chair to get my hair cut.  Yes, I postponed my scheduled haircut for this afternoon.  I figured that would allow me to have great hair for at least 2 days…including that most important moment – the first look that we would share when we finally saw each other in person for the first time since January.  I would be standing there in the airport terminal with a huge smile, looking cute, great hair, holding one of those silly airport signs that the limo drivers always have for the people they are picking up.  We knew each other already, but I thought it would be funny to have a sign for him.

Anyways, the hairdresser was curious why I delayed my appointment so I explained the story.  Drove home afterwards and now that’s all I can seem to think about.

Part of me still wishes this was some horrible, ill-planned April Fool’s joke.

I know a lot of girls can relate to feeling this way at one time or another.  We get all disillusioned because one…or many guys seem to break our hearts.  Sometimes we look for and fall into bad relationships.  Or, like me, maybe you feel like the bad relationships seem to find you and leave you grossly disappointed.  Same pain, different story…right?  Like ground-hog day gone bad or a broken record haunting every opportunity that comes your way.  The crap keeps flying until we have so many walls and trust issues that we over-guard ourselves…inevitably leading us to run from or shut down even the good possibilities for relationships that appear before us.

It’s not meant to be this way…

It can’t be

This can’t be how the heart of a woman was meant to be handled, but it happens.

Well intentioned people (often the ones who are married with little babies) tell you that this seemingly evasive love will find you when you least expect it and especially when you’re not looking for it.  Well crap also happens when you least expect it and if you’re not careful, you’ll walk right through it if you’re not keeping an eye on where you’re walking…especially in areas frequented by horses and dogs.

So, as I should be allowed, I find myself venting.  Getting these crappy feelings out before they brew something toxic and destructive inside.  Ultimately, I’m really sad today, but not because I did anything wrong.  I am still confident in my beauty and identity as a woman.  My self-esteem is not shot.  I am simply sad because at the end of the day I want to make memories and share life with someone…and today would have marked the start of 6 days of memories made seeking adventure and possibility with someone who, if I’m honest, made me feel great for almost 2 months.  Built on lies…and like the straw house made by the piggies…it all fell down when the big bad wolf huffed and puffed and blew my way.

I am sad today…and perhaps will be on and off for a few days hereafter…but I know in the grand scheme of things, all will be okay.

How do I know?

LADIES!!!  Mark my words: A disappointing end to one possibility at love does not have to completely unravel us.  Circumstances and relationships change, but God does not change…therefore, when our Faith is placed in Him, that too can stand unchanged.  It’s okay to feel sad and it’s okay to acknowledge that things kinda suck right now.  BUT it’s not okay to let someone else take the ground out from under you…especially when everything about God’s character should point to the fact that nothing…or no one can separate us from His Love.  With Him and by that very love expressed in a multitude of God’s characteristics we can stand.  The ground may continue to rumble beneath us, but He will hold us up…Heck, He might even encourage us to move forward…step by step we can move on to whatever life or adventure awaits us next…

K…I’m done.  My Ben and Jerry’s is melting (well, the gluten free alternative is melting)…let’s stop sulking, finish our pints of chocolate goodness, and move on to the life that awaits…we only get one shot at it…and no man is so great that he should be given the power to take our joy away…especially when we remember the source of said joy and the love He wants to share with us each day, including today  :-)

I have quoted this verse many times.  It was my staple verse while I was surrendering Japan and missions in Japan…committing to God that I would hold that desire open-handed.  It comes to mind often when I talk to others.  This past weekend I shared it with someone in a conversation.  This morning another friend posted it as a status update on Facebook.

This afternoon I realized how relevant it was for me to ponder once again.  A co-worker pulled me aside to share with me a comment made by another co-worker on Friday.  A few people were standing around Friday talking about me and what I found out on Thursday.   You see, my co-workers were there when I got the flowers…and the fruit.  They were also there when I found the picture that exposed all the lies for what they really were.  I was not there for the talk, but apparently one of the guys made a comment about how much his heart went out to me  remarking that he had never seen anyone respond the way that I had when I carried the gifts from him up to my desk.

I know I was excited, but was it that different?  And if so, what made it stand out from other women’s reactions to these things?

After hearing this and continuing to have Proverbs 13:12 come to mind over and over today I realized that for me, at the time of receiving them, those flowers and things, carried a possibility for me of something that I have waited for so long to have.  I was so flippin’ happy.  I never got gifts delivered to work before!  Perhaps that joy and excitement was a small glimpse of what it feels like to have that one deferred hope finally fulfilled.  If so, I can’t wait to experience that hope fulfilled for real.  When backed by the hand of God and based on a foundation that is 100% true and right…

beautiful.

I hope these co-workers get to see that day, too.  They know how long I’ve waited and continue to wait.  Maybe somehow God would shine through it…and they would not just see a woman who is really happy, but that they would see my Father and his love…and His delight that comes in fulfilling the desires of our hearts in accordance with His purposes.  yes!

All of this is great and wonderful to think about, but what about today?  I mean, my hope is a little beaten up and still very deferred.  I sat at home for the first night alone, no homework, and no guy that’s going to call me on his drive to/from work tonight to talk and tell me goodnight.  My iPhone has gotten quiet.  It’s a little weird and I can’t help but wonder, now what?

I know I’m not the only one waiting and holding something open-handed.  I know several who are waiting and trusting for financial situations to clear, for a baby to be conceived, waiting and trusting for a job, and for a child to be healed.  Just because we wait does not mean that life has to stop.  Children’s author Louise Erdrich once said:

“Here I am, where I ought to be”

Today is happening and purposeful and not something to miss.   BUT instead of dreaming and waiting for the next big thing to come our way we can rejoice that today is incredibly purposeful, in spite of our own hopes deferred.  No matter what we are waiting for, life doesn’t happen once we finally get that thing we’re waiting to see…it is happening now.  We can wait for everything our hearts desire while also actively engaging in the present and all that God has before us today.

I was excited about the adventure dates to “see where this would lead”.  I was excited at the newness of interest.  I was excited because of what we had in common and being able to talk about our industry and have the other person understand.  To find someone I was really attracted to.  To find someone who I could be silly and just laugh with.  It was simply exciting and I was open in ways that I don’t think I have been since breaking up with Mike in 2004.  And let’s be honest, it feels great to hear a guy tell you you’re beautiful and to shower you with gifts, doesn’t it?

Sometimes when “things” feel good…or when they feed desires that we badly want filled…or when we have someone saying to us all the things we wish someone would finally say to us, we get fuzzy judgement.  We might be less inclined to stick to our gut.  We ignore the red flags for the sake of attaining the love that we ultimately long for.  It happens to even the best of us if the circumstances were right.  Many times over the past 6 or 7 years, words of Beth Moore have haunted me.  In a talk to college-aged girls she challenged them with this:

“sometimes girls we have this hunch that there is something off or dark or mysterious about a man.  Sometimes it’s our own insecurity and issues that we need to deal with, but often times it’s not…and we need to run as fast as we can in the other direction.“

I have been blessed or cursed to be a fairly intuitive person.  My intuition screams loudly at times…and when I’ve finally listened to it, I’ve only discovered that my intuition (some might call it discernment) was spot on.  I can only think of one instance where I was “off”…and that had nothing to do with me being in a relationship.

Such was the case with my most recent “Mr. Wonderful”.  Saying the right things, doing the right things.  And acting like he was interested.  Yet still, the warnings from others who called him out by name.  The things that didn’t quite seem right in the smaller details of our interactions.  The inconsistencies.  Finally, thanks to the internet, baby registries, and Facebook, I was able to discover the truth about his “other life”…a life he lied about for 2 months.

Several weeks ago I sat in a bible study and told some ladies that I felt like I was playing with fire…enjoying the possibility of what could be, but also aware that this was not the path that God wanted me to walk.  I told friends in an email update.  Hoping that someone would call me out or Pray me out of this situation that I had allowed to grow.  Even as we got closer to our big date adventure I found myself telling God that I needed him to get me out of this if HE knew I was about to get burned or that I could do something I would later regret.  Today, God stepped in and saved me from myself.

I know I am a fool.  God gives me moments of wisdom, but I’ve been known to make my own stupid decisions and judgements.  At the end of the day I am simply a girl who longs to share this journey with another who is also chasing after Him…a longing that has allowed more than enough heart ache into my life.  I don’t know what would have happened exactly, but I realize that had it gone to those days of Adventurous April, my heart would have been a tangled mess.  Finding what I did today made me upset, sure, but now I’m feeling like I can easily and readily walk away with no major regrets or moral failures on my part.  I am grossly imperfect, but incredibly thankful that God stepped in and protected me from myself and my heart from what could have unfolded in the weeks and months ahead.

No matter how long we walk with God, we continue to need him.  The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I see it.  Perhaps that need even grows in increasing measure … as His presence and Truth is enabled to live more fully in and through us and the enemy rises to attack the work that God is doing.  I know Satan only fights where God is at work, so I can’t help but ask…Jesus, what’s next?

Who said that a gluten-free lifestyle had to be tasteless?  This is a recipe I tried from The Cooking Light Gluten-Free Cookbook.  It tasted great and was easy to make (less than 1 hour from set up to soup in the bowl when you have no pre-chopping/cooking done). Give it a try!

Serving Size: 7 – 2 cup soup servings, each with a lime wedge
Nutritional Info:
Calories: 315
Fat: 7.8g (2.7 sat; 2.2g mono, 1.3g poly)
Protein: 29.3g
Carbs: 30.9g
Fiber: 2.4g
Chol: 62 mg
Iron: 3.2mg
Sodium: 842 mg
Calc: 78 mg 

Time: It took me about 45 minutes to have soup in bowls, with none of the items pre-made or chopped.

Ingredients:

4 cups of water
3 cups of fresh spinach leaves
1/2 pound snow peas, trimmed and cut in half crosswise
1 (5-3/4 oz) package of pad Thai noodles (rice stick noodles)
1 tbsp canola oil
1/4 cup thinly sliced shallots
2 tsp red curry paste
1-1/2 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp ground turmeric
1/2 tsp ground coriander
2 garlic cloves, minced
6 cups fat-free, lower sodium chicken broth (*check for gluten when you purchase this item, make sure to get gluten-free*)
1 (13.5 oz) can light coconut milk
2-1/2 cups shredded cooked chicken breast (about 1 lb) (I boil the chicken then “pull” it into pieces)
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 tbsp sugar
2 tbsp fish sauce (such as Thai Kitchen)
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
4 small hot red chiles, seeded and chopped (or you can use 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper instead)
7 lime wedges

I LOVED this soup.  The only thing is that because I didn’t do any prep or pre cooking my noodle mix sat for a while.  Not sure if this is normal or not.  Anticipating that I will probably not pre-cook my chicken next time, I think that the next time I make this I will start cooking my chicken and start step 2 first.  While I’m waiting for my broth mix to boil, I will start boiling water for my noodles.  If timing goes well, I should be ready to cook the spinach, beans and noodles once I’m simmering my coconut milk for 5 minutes.  Maybe this will help keep my noodles from sticking so much. 

Over the past few months, two people I know were recruited and offered job promotions through LinkedIn.  The first story I thought was a rare occurance, but after hearing the second story I thought there might be something to this professional social media/networking thing and decided it was time to “complete” my profile.

Up until the last few weeks, my profile had no picture, no great details about me or my professional experience.  I may have had my undergraduate and graduate programs and my current employer listed so that I could connect with classmates and current colleagues, of course.  That’s about it.

I’m not actively looking for a new job right now, but considering the changes that are coming forward in my company and specifically at my specific location, I figured it would be prudent to start preparing for changes should they become necessary in the future.

So I signed into my linked in account.  Added a picture, updated my resume, and accepted a few friends.  I clicked a few companies and groups I’d like to follow and the rest has been history.

Then last night happened…

(disclaimer – To date I have been a long-time blogger (not consistent as of late), active on Facebook, and participate in a few other online discussions where my identity remains relatively disconnected from my career and livelihood).

I found this one particular LinkedIn group that seemed to have interesting conversations pertinent to my industry and interests.  I loved the content so I jumped in on the discussions.

One technical question that was posed had some good responses, and one response that summed the issue up really well.

I did what any millennial Facebooker would do and I “LIKED” this comment posted the LinkedIn Group Page.

Then I came across another conversation where someone posted an article.  There were a few responses to the article, one of which I disagreed with.  Well, most of it was okay, but there was one rather grandiose assumption of the secondary effects of this major change highlighted in the article.

I did what any net-active blogger/commenter/social media-ite would do and I challenged it by posting my own comment to the article/the comment I disagreed with.  I emphasized other market forces at work outside the US… blah, blah, blah.  Really, I had researched this very thing earlier in the fall and was excited to be able to apply what I learned from my research to a real conversation.  Or to even have that kind of conversation with others in like-industries was exciting for me.  (Silly?  Possibly.  Nerd?  Definitely.)

My concern after the fact became this…

Over the past 24 hours, people I don’t know, who saw this “challenge comment”, have looked at my profile.  I know because LinkedIn tells me this.  Then when I look at their profiles, I can see that they know some of the same people I know.  Suddenly my comments and activity on this new LinkedIn group thing take on a whole new dynamic that I’ve never before experienced through blogging, facebook and other social media channels.

Usually, I either don’t know who’s “looking” at me, or they can’t look at me because of security settings.  BUT the whole idea of LinkedIn is networking…i.e. finding connections through other connections, connecting through interests, industries, etc.  Here, people can check my profile without “friend requesting” me (what does LinkedIn call it?), and that’s perfectly okay.  But I’m seeing some traffic to my profile as a result of my comment with no responses/feedback to said comment and I’m getting all paranoid inside.

Was I spot on?  Was I  wrong?  Was I awesome?  Was I a jerk?  I don’t know, I don’t know!?!?!

I mean, if I totally botched my comment, are these people going to contact their people who are also my people and tell them to check their employee who’s spouting off all kinds of stuff on some social media site?  I wasn’t rude to the guy (I don’t think) and (obviously) I think the point made was relevant…

Moral of the story is that I need help.  I want to continue collaborating and conversing in this place, but I don’t know the ins and outs of this professional social networking business.  Do I just need to get used to people looking at my profile and not make a big deal out of it like I am right now?  Are there rules that I need to abide by?  Is there a different etiquette that I must learn for LinkedIn that is different from Twitter, or Facebook or YouTube or other social media channels?  Is it okay to disagree with someone on a linked in group thread, if you’re tactful about it?  And what exactly does “tactful” look like in this instance?  Or are we supposed to not say anything if what we have to say disagrees with what everyone (or just someone) has already said?

I need a crash course in professional social media for dummies…can anyone help me out?

I was there at the launch service – my first time at this new church.  I had been praying for changes in my life and, more specifically, a new church when a flyer showed up at my door.  I went that first week and have been going ever since.

This past weekend we had our church’s first Woman’s Retreat.  We had space for 30 women to go, and after some last minute cancellations and fill-ins we arrived at the site with 29 women + 1 speaker.

Even though this was my first ever retreat for women, I ended up being part of the planning team.  My responsibility was to prepare a prayer room (which also meant encouraging the prayer team ladies to sign up and help pull something together) and then at the last minute was asked to be a discussion group leader  when another was unable to fill the slot.  Immediately after the first planning meeting, the prayer team started praying for the event and for the ladies that God would be bringing this weekend.

Leading up to the retreat, our prayer team came up with some ideas for the prayer room and we scrambled together supplies.  By 3 PM Friday, we were at the house.  We walk in the door only to realize that the prayer room is an open space just off the main entrance filled with a hot tub and exercise equipment.

As we started processing the difficult situation before us, I thought of a dear friend who loved the quote, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and encouraged the team that we can still make this space work if we get a little creative.  We moved some of the exercise equipment out of the room, we rearranged the remaining pieces, plugged in a few night lights, and found 2 dividers to create “walls” where none existed.  When the prayer room opened that night, it actually turned out to be a pretty decent space.  Once we were done setting up, the prayer team walked the entire house praying over spaces, rooms, and each attendee by name.

Later that night the guests arrive…and God starts to work.

Over the course of the weekend I saw girls engaged in conversations, connecting, laughing, and relaxing.  We were encouraged and challenged by our wonderful speaker.  In discussion groups, the women opened up and “got real” about what was going on in their life and what God was (or wasn’t) doing.  Tissues went flying, we cooked too much food, and I think we even got a complaint called in to the local authorities because we were being “way too loud” during worship.

Sunday afternoon, I was the last person to use the prayer room.  I sat there praying and praising, feeling completely overwhelmed by what God had done:

• Women who I know have been seeking community and feeling like they “don’t fit in” sincerely connected with at least 1 new person, if not more on this trip.

• Several women had very deep and personal encounters with God…the Holy Spirit was so evident by Sunday morning’s worship session that you could taste it.

• I “peeked in” on the prayer room several times over the weekend to see women praying, having their devotional, and partaking in the prayer room activity.

• We didn’t have Sunday morning discussion groups, because by the end of the talk and worship time, 2 women had decided that they wanted to get baptized.  Everyone ran out to watch and celebrate on the beach together.  One of these women gave me the honor to be one of the two to go in the water to baptize her.

By Sunday night I found myself overwhelmed again as I saw the connections and comments flying across the walls of the ladies’ Facebook pages.  (oh the movements of His hand may I never miss…)

I think it’s funny to know God and have faith in God, but then find ourselves surprised by what He actually does in different situations.  Months ago I confessed how scared I was that I might not be able to do what He had called me to do.  I am continually brought back to God’s exhortation to Moses that the fruit of his obedience would be a sign to him that God has sent him.  This weekend I felt like I saw and was affirmed that God has not only brought me and others to this place for this time, but gave me a personal reminder of HOW BIG HE IS.  Sometimes God moves to show the unbelieving generations who he is…and at other times He moves to remind his children that he alone is God.

I left Sunday afternoon feeling a strong conviction that I need to obey him and be present in the service and ministry opportunities He has put before me, today.  Being obedient here and now will move me into whatever plans he has for me in 1 months, or 6 months or years into the future.  They may be different, or more of the same.  Regardless, if I focus too much on what may or may not lie ahead, I might miss the beautiful movement of his Hand today.   This weekend I saw His hand…and I am in awe at how good, tender, and completely faithful He is to His daughters.

As I reflect on all that happened, I find myself especially surprised by grace. You see, it is the grace that comes from Christ that enables us to stand as a co-laborer with Him, appointed to bear fruit for His Glory (2 Cor 6:1, John 15:16).  We are able to serve out a calling  (no matter how big or small it may seem) because of His Grace.  We do not deserve it, nor are we entitled to it…yet, we are allowed to experience it.

I am not in any way responsible for what happened this weekend, but I am tasting the sweet blessing that comes from the steps of obedience that have been placed before me and the team of people I serve with.  I don’t know if it is the culmination of months of praying and planning, or if it the simple realization that God is living and active today, either way this feeling…this “surprised by grace” place is one I hope to sit in for as long as He’ll let me.

The article got me thinking, not so much of submission, but more of what I would call chivalry and the roles or actions that guys have historically taken toward women.  I even polled friends via. a Facebook status to see if other women were often offended when guys would do these nice things for them.  The majority of responses, from both Christians and non-Christians fell into agreement.

It seems that in this guy’s class there may have been some “feminists” in the room, many women like it when guys hold doors for them or pay for their meals.  One woman stated that there was a time in her younger years, she felt that double standards ran rampant and she wanted to feel independent.  Sure she was a woman and she too could open doors and pay for things for herself.  She concluded her remark by stating that over the last 20 years, however, she began to realize that there was more to those actions than whether or not she was capable of opening doors, there was a love and attention factor that she actually appreciated when a guy would do those things.

I have to fall into agreement with her.  I am a fairly independent woman.  I never want to hear someone tell me I can’t do it.  For a long time I would make sure I had my hand on the door handle before a guy was ever given a chance to open it for me.  Over time, and through the feedback of boyfriends and guy friends, I began to notice that these actions also never allowed them to do nice things for me.  Some guy friends and co-workers eventually influenced me to slow down as I approached a door and wait for it to be opened.  They spoke of it as a woman’s “right” to have the doors opened for her (sure, that sounds kinda weird, but I can’t think of a better way to describe it).  My ex boyfriend always opened the car door for me.  It got to the point that I would stand at the door and wait for him to open it.  He told me stories of how His dad had taught him that by watching the interactions between his dad and mom.  I watched and sure enough I began to realize that she never touched a door.  I never saw it as subtracting from her identity as a capable woman, but rather found a deep love and care come through those simple actions.

I think that somewhere along the way, we have put the idea of “independent woman” and “feminist” on a pedestal that’s so high that eventually we began to lose some of the beauty that these simple actions actually carry.

Whether or not one is a feminist in the most current of definitions does not take away from the reality that deep down she too has a desire to be loved, to feel special, and to be cared for.  I believe there is something in how God created us that drives those desires and needs.  While opening the door for a lady hardly scratches the surface of man’s ability to meet those needs, it does affect them in the most positive of ways.

I wonder if women sometimes use their feminist attitudes and independence as a means of protection.  If we are not dependent on a man, regardless of how simple that dependence may be in any given moment (such as opening a door), we are, or think we are, protecting ourselves from getting hurt.  If we don’t need anyone to do little things…we won’t get disappointed when they don’t…or when they won’t.  But if we, men and women, were in fact created with different needs and “roles” (in a deep inward sense), I am starting to think that perhaps those very attitudes and actions that we hold to protect ourselves actually lead us to missing out on very sweet gestures that can help us to feel special in ways that only men can influence.

Let me explain.  I never knew the momentary blessing and special feeling that I would experience by something as simple as opening a door until I finally let a guy do it for me.  Now, I love it.  I want it.  I always felt special when my ex would open the car door for me.  When a class mate stopped me to carry my heavy book bag down the stairs…I didn’t feel inferior, actually it felt really great!  AND it boosted my confidence in men in general, knowing that there were still some that wanted to care for and serve the women around them in very small ways like this.

I guess I am a feminist of sorts, but not the kind you might be thinking.  I am a feminist in that I recognize that there are unique roles given to me as a woman for how I approach, interact with and encourage the men around me.  In the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, John Piper defines biblical masculinity in this way:

“at the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.”

He defines biblical femininity this way:

“at the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.”

This freedom for a woman isn’t in being squelched or cramped or suppressed, but rather is experienced as she practices these little moments of encouraging the men around her (among other things).  When a guy holds a door for you, LET HIM.  And then thank him…He is practicing in one way or another the attributes of how he was created.  He’s not saying that your arms are broken…He’s probably acting in a way that seems most natural for him, even if he’s not fully cognizant of it in that very moment.  Ladies, even if it seems unnatural at first, practice, make the effort and give him the chance…you might even learn that these little gestures encourage your own sense of value, worth, and “feeling special” in those little moments.  Heck, you just might like it!