Tag Archives: church

Surprised By Grace

Posted by Amy W in Life Lessons From Church Planting, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , , , ,

In about a week, my church will celebrate it’s one year birthday.  Though there was a growing team of people meeting for a little while longer than that, it was a year ago that they had the “launch service” – the service that marked the official start of the church.

I was there at the launch service – my first time at this new church.  I had been praying for changes in my life and, more specifically, a new church when a flyer showed up at my door.  I went that first week and have been going ever since.

This past weekend we had our church’s first Woman’s Retreat.  We had space for 30 women to go, and after some last minute cancellations and fill-ins we arrived at the site with 29 women + 1 speaker.

Even though this was my first ever retreat for women, I ended up being part of the planning team.  My responsibility was to prepare a prayer room (which also meant encouraging the prayer team ladies to sign up and help pull something together) and then at the last minute was asked to be a discussion group leader  when another was unable to fill the slot.  Immediately after the first planning meeting, the prayer team started praying for the event and for the ladies that God would be bringing this weekend.

Leading up to the retreat, our prayer team came up with some ideas for the prayer room and we scrambled together supplies.  By 3 PM Friday, we were at the house.  We walk in the door only to realize that the prayer room is an open space just off the main entrance filled with a hot tub and exercise equipment.

As we started processing the difficult situation before us, I thought of a dear friend who loved the quote, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and encouraged the team that we can still make this space work if we get a little creative.  We moved some of the exercise equipment out of the room, we rearranged the remaining pieces, plugged in a few night lights, and found 2 dividers to create “walls” where none existed.  When the prayer room opened that night, it actually turned out to be a pretty decent space.  Once we were done setting up, the prayer team walked the entire house praying over spaces, rooms, and each attendee by name.

Later that night the guests arrive…and God starts to work.

Over the course of the weekend I saw girls engaged in conversations, connecting, laughing, and relaxing.  We were encouraged and challenged by our wonderful speaker.  In discussion groups, the women opened up and “got real” about what was going on in their life and what God was (or wasn’t) doing.  Tissues went flying, we cooked too much food, and I think we even got a complaint called in to the local authorities because we were being “way too loud” during worship.

Sunday afternoon, I was the last person to use the prayer room.  I sat there praying and praising, feeling completely overwhelmed by what God had done:

  • Women who I know have been seeking community and feeling like they “don’t fit in” sincerely connected with at least 1 new person, if not more on this trip.
  • Several women had very deep and personal encounters with God…the Holy Spirit was so evident by Sunday morning’s worship session that you could taste it.
  • I “peeked in” on the prayer room several times over the weekend to see women praying, having their devotional, and partaking in the prayer room activity.
  • We didn’t have Sunday morning discussion groups, because by the end of the talk and worship time, 2 women had decided that they wanted to get baptized.  Everyone ran out to watch and celebrate on the beach together.  One of these women gave me the honor to be one of the two to go in the water to baptize her.

By Sunday night I found myself overwhelmed again as I saw the connections and comments flying across the walls of the ladies’ Facebook pages.  (oh the movements of His hand may I never miss…)

I think it’s funny to know God and have faith in God, but then find ourselves surprised by what He actually does in different situations.  Months ago I confessed how scared I was that I might not be able to do what He had called me to do.  I am continually brought back to God’s exhortation to Moses that the fruit of his obedience would be a sign to him that God has sent him.  This weekend I felt like I saw and was affirmed that God has not only brought me and others to this place for this time, but gave me a personal reminder of HOW BIG HE IS.  Sometimes God moves to show the unbelieving generations who he is…and at other times He moves to remind his children that he alone is God.

I left Sunday afternoon feeling a strong conviction that I need to obey him and be present in the service and ministry opportunities He has put before me, today.  Being obedient here and now will move me into whatever plans he has for me in 1 months, or 6 months or years into the future.  They may be different, or more of the same.  Regardless, if I focus too much on what may or may not lie ahead, I might miss the beautiful movement of his Hand today.   This weekend I saw His hand…and I am in awe at how good, tender, and completely faithful He is to His daughters.

As I reflect on all that happened, I find myself especially surprised by grace. You see, it is the grace that comes from Christ that enables us to stand as a co-laborer with Him, appointed to bear fruit for His Glory (2 Cor 6:1, John 15:16).  We are able to serve out a calling  (no matter how big or small it may seem) because of His Grace.  We do not deserve it, nor are we entitled to it…yet, we are allowed to experience it.

I am not in any way responsible for what happened this weekend, but I am tasting the sweet blessing that comes from the steps of obedience that have been placed before me and the team of people I serve with.  I don’t know if it is the culmination of months of praying and planning, or if it the simple realization that God is living and active today, either way this feeling…this “surprised by grace” place is one I hope to sit in for as long as He’ll let me.

Remembering My 20′s

Posted by Amy W in Jesus, life and tagged with , , , , , , , ,

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Col. 3:17)

While in Haiti, and on reflecting after the trip, I have been challenged to bring more thanksgiving into my life.  I have a tendency to be a bit of a Negative Nancy, focusing of the bad…or expecting the bad, because sometimes I guess I think that’s all I’ll get…bad things.  As I enter into a new decade of my life (the 30′s), I feel that its only right for me to reflect on my 20′s praising God for the work he’s done in the past 10 years.  I was originally going to post this as a “high-low” of each year, but in light of the verse above, I’m going to focus on the “highs” – and for all of these items, the Glory goes to God.

20 years old (2001) – On September 2, 2001 God revealed to me the Truth of what His Son Jesus did for me, I came to Him and He gave me a new life (2 Cor 5:17) – and started this journey with Him, which has been absolutely amazing.  Hard at times, but always beautiful and for His Glory.

21 years old (2002) – 1st Missions Trip to Japan.  God opened my eyes and heart for His people…all His people, to the ends of the earth.  During this time he specifically broke my heart for the unreached in Japan. 

22 years old (2003) – Graduated College – By the grace of God I not only was able to go to college, but also graduated…and I had 2 job offers!!   I attended my 1st Urbana Conference.

23 years old (2004) – God opened my eyes to the idolatry that had consumed my life and connected me with a solid, missions minded church that would become a major influence on my development as a woman of God. 

24 years old (2005 ) – Mission Trips to Poland and Japan – It was during this time that God solidified my missionary heart and confirmed it through several people, without me even asking. 

25 years old (2006) – Accepted by an organization to do Church Planting in Japan.  Started a Missionary in training program with an awesome pastor at my church.  God “forced” me to go into counseling to deal with stuff that I had been avoiding my entire life – the result completely changed my understanding of who I was and the value I have as a Child of God.  I attended my 2nd Urbana Conference. 

26 years old (2007) – Went to Ghana in 2007.  Gave my first full message on the freedom we can find in Christ and prayed with many girls who wanted to know the freedom that God’s truth brings.  Became a Youth Leader and finished out the senior year of several amazing students that had been on the Ghana trip.  Finally believed that God’s love for me was unconditional.

27 years old (2008) – Spoke on the value of mentoring (Titus 2) at a woman’s seminar and helped to plan a women’s training event under the leadership of some awesome women at my church.  Applied to and was accepted to be part of a core team for a church plant that my church was sending out.  

28 years old (2009) – Started a church plant with a group of 28 others from my church.  Started my MBA program. Shared the gospel with a random man in my town with two of my friends.  Went to El Salvador to celebrate a friend’s wedding (she’s a missionary there). 

29 years old (2010) – Met regularly with a few girls to read God on Mute.  Started a prayer gathering with some awesome friends.  The group has changed from its beginnings, but we continue to meet to pray for friends, the world, and the churches working in our area.  God brought me to a new church and started to bring about some unexpected changes in my life. 

29 years old (2011) –  Went to Haiti on a Missions Trip and was reminded that my heart for the nations is still very much alive, even though He uses it in ways I didn’t expect when I planned my life several years ago (ha!).  God called me to start a prayer ministry at my church and He has brought together a group that I absolutely LOVE to pray with on a weekly basis.  Had several girls talk to me about doing a girls study or group for several of the women at my church.  We’re now going through Believing God this summer and I’m very excited for how we’ll all grow in our Faith. 

If someone told me this would be the life I would live in my 20′s, I would have laughed in their face.  Actually, someone did.  I was still an atheist at the time and I literally laughed in their face.  Praise God for lives that are radically changed through His Son’s sacrifice!!!  Walking with Him hasn’t always been easy, but looking back I can see clearly that God has been at work and I am so blessed to take a small part in what he’s been doing over the past 10 years.

I have no idea what my 30′s will bring.  He’s done crazy things with the last 10 years…I’m sure the next 10 will be just as Glorifying to His name.  I know many constants in my life are changing over the next year.  I will go to China in a little over a month.  When I return, I have 6 months left of my MBA.  Lord willing I will graduate in Feb 2012.  My company will complete its merger and the plant I work at will be sold.  This is where the unknown kicks in…there is so much that is not seen, but the possibilities of what God can do are endless…I just hope that He continues to allow me to be part of what He’s doing here on earth.  For now, He reveals just enough for me to take that next step.

“By faith, Abraham obeyed when he was called out to a place…he went out not knowing where he was going.” (Heb. 11:8)

Can We Trust God Beyond Our Strengths?

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, life, Life Lessons From Church Planting and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The man asked, “Who am I, that you would ask me to do this?”

The Lord answered, “I will be with you and this will be a sign for you that I have sent you…”

“But Lord I am not eloquent…I am slow of speech and tongue”

The Lord replied, “who made your mouth?”

The man said, “please, Lord, send someone else”

The anger of the Lord kindled and he said, “Look there is your brother, he can speak well…he shall be your mouth”.

If you read my about me section, you will see that I have my Strengths Finder strengths listed.  I have pride in my personality result tests (I love them!) and this one I liked because it nailed areas that I consider strengths of mine.  Socially, the strengths-based ideology has spread in the past several years.  The premise behind it is that we are most effective when we work within our strengths.  It makes sense right?  Simply put – know what you’re good at and do it.  This line of logic implies the opposite as well: “don’t do or work in the areas that you’re not good at.”  For the most part I agree, it’s hard not to, right?  If you’re not good at it, doesn’t that increase your chances of failure?  And who wants to fail, really?

What happens, though, when we are facing a challenge or calling that is not something we feel confident in?  Maybe we can’t see the application of our top five strengths in the task at hand, or maybe we’ve just never done it before, so we’re not sure we can.  The Strengths Finder ideology doesn’t really advocate for success when we’re called out beyond our “strengths”.

As the Bible indicates, this was the case with Moses.  Above I’ve included a very abbreviated version of the dialogue between Moses and God as God was calling Moses to lead Israel out of Egypt (the full version can be read in chapters 3-4 of Exodus).  Moses had never done what God was asking him to do and even recognized that his inability to speak well could affect the work ahead.  I find it humorous, now, that God’s response was simply that He made Moses’s Mouth.  I mean, who more than the creator would know what Moses could or could not do with that speech impediment?  Can you relate?

At one point or another, many, if not all of us, will or have faced a calling or challenge or new job, and thought to ourselves, “God, clearly I can’t do this”?  I know I have.  Just yesterday I met with one of the pastors at my church to talk about the Prayer Ministry that we’re trying to establish.  I was excited during the conversation, but then later started to have what I fondly call “a Moses Moment”.  It was one of those times where, facing what I believe God has put before me, I began to think,

“God I can’t do this”. 

“God, I’m not creative…I’ll never come up with fun ideas that will get people motivated about prayer”. 

“And, who am I to tell anyone how to pray?  Do I even know how to pray?”. 

“Are you sure you want me?”

As I read the dialogue between Moses and God this morning, I resonated with Moses’s insecurity.  I think most of us can.  Take note of God’s first response in Chapter 3 vs. 12: “I will be with you, and this shall be a sign for you, that I have sent you”.  I think most Christians recognize that while here on earth we are to Glorify God.  He wants His truth to be known to the ends of the earth.  What I think we sometimes forget (that I had forgotten) is that He also continues to make Himself more fully known to us who already believe.  Of course God wants Israel to know him and believe He is who he is, but in this moment, God’s response wasn’t about the others…It was for Moses specifically and the potential growth of God’s reign and truth in his life.  In the end, the slight wavering of Moses’s trust in God’s calling brought Aaron into the journey.  On one hand, I see that regardless, God’s will was accomplished and the people of Israel came up out of Egypt.  On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder if, for Moses personally, there was a depth or insight or connectedness that was missed out on because He insisted that he couldn’t do what God had clearly called him to do.   I can only speculate that there was.

I don’t think we’re always called to do things we feel unequipped to do, but in the times that we are,  I would challenge us to reflect on Moses’s calling.  Just as God made his mouth, so too are we “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).  Even better than Gallup is able to identify our strengths or Myers Briggs is able to outline our personality traits, God knows us.  The Lord knows what we are really able to do with Him, and as Paul wrote to the Ephesians, “we are His workmanship, created in Christ to do good works, which [He] prepared for us in advance, that we should walk in them.” (ch. 2 vs. 10).

When God calls us, who are we to tell Him He has chosen the wrong person?  Look at God’s final response to Moses in Chapter 4…Moses’s disbelief made God angry.  I can’t believe that God takes this sort of thing lightly.  Clearly our salvation will not be removed when we falter like this, nor will it cause God’s love for us to change (2 Tim 2:13, Ex 15:13, Psalm 13:5 and 33:18).  God will still do what He’s going to do in the grand scheme of things.  But I also don’t think we should ignore that the scripture indicates that Moses refusal made God angry.

There are times when we jump into things we know we’re good at…there are other times God calls us to serve beyond what we think we have the strength to do or are best equipped to do.  In these times, if we trust and are faithful to His calling…we may stumble forward, but we will walk away upright knowing and praising what the Lord has done.

Life As A Journey

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus and tagged with , , , , , , , ,

“Now the Lord said to Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.  I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great…So Abraham went, as the Lord had told him.”
(Genesis 12:1-4)

As we are reminded in Hebrews 11, Abraham went out as the Lord requested, but he had no idea where he was going.  During the times of his life as depicted in the chapters following Genesis 12, we see that at times Abraham often didn’t trust God with the great Faith that is often attributed to him, yet regardless he’s considered one of the Fathers of Faith.  The next few thousand years unfolded as a direct result of his life with God.  This we know full well because of hindsight and the help of the Bible.  But how often have we really thought or believed that our lives could possibly have eternal significance?  I mean the bible promises this, sure, but how much do we really believe it?  When we’re making decisions on our own, when our prayers go unanswered, or as we’re waiting for some kind of direction or big impact that we believe our lives are supposed to make…do we live as if we really believe that God is using or working in us?

Over the years that I have been a Christian (and perhaps before then as well) I have swayed back and forth, looking into, seeking out, trying to understand God’s presence in this life we (I) live.  Where is free will in the face of believing God’s sovereignty?  Where is God’s will in the smallest and biggest decisions I make on a daily basis?  I feel like I can always make sense of the awesome spiritual highs – when I’m embracing my singleness joy-filled, when I’m serving selflessly, when I’m involved in missions.  But what about when my life seems like I’m in a spiritual rut?  Do I know and understand why God has allowed me to walk through those seasons that I don’t really understand on a surface level, much less a deeper spiritual level?

There was a time when I thought I knew 100% where I was headed.  Ask anyone 5 years ago and they would have said Japan.  But here I am in my home state, a young professional in grad school.  I’m still just as much a christian, a little wiser and more trusting of God…I think.

A few years ago I thought God was calling me to be part of a Church plant out of the church I was a member of.  I went, thinking, “THIS IS IT!!!”  I went expecting great things.  Spiritual highs.  That I would come into my own, better understanding my giftedness…more fully living in that giftedness.  Sure God did great things (and is doing great things) with that Church, but I’m no longer apart of it.  I helped start it and in the process wandered into a very difficult season spiritually.  I’m not sure if I can even pin point what or why, but I know that I was there…I probably still am in that season, to some extent.  I eventually and prayerfully took a “break” from that church and sought God on my own.  Now I’m getting to know a new church.  I do not have a better understanding of my giftedness.  I am not walking on the spiritual highs that I once new.  But I *think* I’m still walking in God’s will.  I guess, I sort of wonder if this is similar to Abraham…that God is leading and guiding me to a place I do not yet know.

For the past 24 hours or so I’ve been wondering this…what if the place isn’t so much a “place” what if it’s a state of being?  What if our lives with God are not so much about that place or that ministry he calls us to, but the journey we have between now and the day we are called home to heaven?  And if it is a journey, then why do I continue to live…waiting for that next big thing to happen…thinking, “if only x, y, or z were to come to be, then I would finally be there…the person I was created to be in the place I was created for?

I’m pushing toward the idea that we are created for God’s Glory, we are continually being redeemed to become the people he created us to be (pure and without sin) so that we might ultimately be with him eternally…and that would be in heaven.  And if this is the case, then perhaps all that happens, whether it be the decisions we make daily (both big and small) or him moving sovereignly through divine appointments and positions we are continually being formed and transformed throughout life…throughout this journey toward the heart of God.

AND if this life is such a journey, I would say that one of the things we must do is understand that each step or season or time in our life requires reflection and discernment in order to see and begin to understand God’s role.  Maybe it’s too much or naive of us to think that we can fully understand how God is working in those very moments.  I mean, sometimes I think we know, but if we’re really honest I think we have no idea.

Take the disciples…for example.  They walked with Jesus, talked with Jesus, ate, drank and ministered with God himself.  Yet, even in the days leading up to his death, Jesus reminded them that though he’s telling them things, they will not fully understand until they come to be…and when the Holy Spirit comes to them, they will begin to fully understand what Jesus was really teaching (pulling from various scriptures in John 10-16 and recent discussions with friends).  It wasn’t until they had the ability to look back and remember their journey in hindsight that they would fully understand what they were being taught in those very moments.

These ideas have led me to reflect on the past year and more…to seek out and try to understand God’s presence and teaching during one of the more spiritually distressful seasons I’ve ever faced in the short 9 years I have followed Jesus.  As I walked through these times, I focused on prayers that seemed unanswered, situations that were more difficult than what I thought I deserved, and the fact that no matter what I tried to do…I seemed to stay stuck in a rut.  Now that I’m taking the time to really reflect…I’m beginning to see God’s hand of protection and comfort…sometimes seen in the alone times I spent with Him and His word…sometimes administered through friends who I’ve grown to love and appreciate far more than I realized in those very moments.  I see a strengthening of discernment.  I see growth of character…and perhaps new areas that need work, areas that I was previously blind to.  I can’t say that I completely understand all the implications of this season (as I said, I don’t think I’m out of it yet), but it has only been through reflecting over the events and situations and struggles that I’m able to see God’s hand at work.

I’m not sure how to end this post other than to encourage anyone who reads this to take 15 or 30 minutes (or a few hours) to prayerfully reflect on your last year.  It’s the beginning of 2011…so it’s a good time to do this.  Reflect over the last year…all the good, bad and confusing and ask God to open your eyes to what He’s been doing, how he’s been moving.  It could be character flaws that need God’s transformation, it could be to point out significant people who’ve made a bigger influence on your life than you’ve realized, or it could be just to remind you that no matter how hard things got, God was there with you.  Write them down, and remember, and praise God for his work in your life.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that part of our ability to bring him Glory to the world around us is our own ability to recognize and rejoice in a Faithful and Active God who loves us beyond all human reason.

Start praying, reflecting and praising.  Happy New Year…

Simple Reminders That Bring Us To Our Knees

Posted by Amy W in Devotional, Jesus, life and tagged with , , , ,

I have been caught in a whirlwind.  Either that or it is just the reality of a life lived independently of God’s presence in my life.  Not that God is not present in my life, I’m speaking more specifically to the life we get caught within…the life where we move day in and day out without time, or thought, or actions necessary to nurture a relationship with God.  A life that I could personally (meaning for me) define as independent and self-sufficient.  Foolish.

Frustration.  Confusion.  A percieved disconnection from the body…from an authentic community that is thriving.  I can’t even remember where or when it started…how it has been sustained for so long.  I could also throw “busyness” into that mix as well.

At times recently I have wondered if God had given me over to my desires – desires for success, desires of the flesh, desires for and chasing after everything and anything that is not God.  I still wonder, honestly.

I can’t shake who I am, or so it seems.  I fight myself for so long…and eventually I just give up fighting and start living, as someone very close recently put it, “as if I just don’t give a f*ck”.

I do care.  Deep down I really, really do.

But within there is something that stirs and fights to maintain control of this life I’ve been given.  I work incredibly hard.  I work long hours, thinking that it might help me become someone worth something.

But in the midst of all this confusion, apathy…or spiritual lethargy, I forget so easily that already I am someone.  My name means Beloved, and I am.  Regardless of all that I’m not thinking, or doing, or praying…God is present in my life…working and perhaps even patiently waiting for me to slow down long enough to listen to his soft whisper.

I finally did…and in the midst of this song…somewhere, somehow I felt and heard that soft whisper, “I love you child.  I created you, all of you, and I love what I’ve created.”  I broke down.

I’m still caught in the whirlwind…the lethargic spiritual state that has defined the last year or more.  But I still heard.  For just a few minutes I remembered, and for now, that’s all I have to hold on to…at least until this season finally lifts.

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He’d say its not true
Cause your good

By John Mark McMillan