Tag Archives: church

Life As A Journey

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus and tagged with , , , , , , , ,

“Now the Lord said to Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.  I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great…So Abraham went, as the Lord had told him.”
(Genesis 12:1-4)

As we are reminded in Hebrews 11, Abraham went out as the Lord requested, but he had no idea where he was going.  During the times of his life as depicted in the chapters following Genesis 12, we see that at times Abraham often didn’t trust God with the great Faith that is often attributed to him, yet regardless he’s considered one of the Fathers of Faith.  The next few thousand years unfolded as a direct result of his life with God.  This we know full well because of hindsight and the help of the Bible.  But how often have we really thought or believed that our lives could possibly have eternal significance?  I mean the bible promises this, sure, but how much do we really believe it?  When we’re making decisions on our own, when our prayers go unanswered, or as we’re waiting for some kind of direction or big impact that we believe our lives are supposed to make…do we live as if we really believe that God is using or working in us?

Over the years that I have been a Christian (and perhaps before then as well) I have swayed back and forth, looking into, seeking out, trying to understand God’s presence in this life we (I) live.  Where is free will in the face of believing God’s sovereignty?  Where is God’s will in the smallest and biggest decisions I make on a daily basis?  I feel like I can always make sense of the awesome spiritual highs – when I’m embracing my singleness joy-filled, when I’m serving selflessly, when I’m involved in missions.  But what about when my life seems like I’m in a spiritual rut?  Do I know and understand why God has allowed me to walk through those seasons that I don’t really understand on a surface level, much less a deeper spiritual level?

There was a time when I thought I knew 100% where I was headed.  Ask anyone 5 years ago and they would have said Japan.  But here I am in my home state, a young professional in grad school.  I’m still just as much a christian, a little wiser and more trusting of God…I think.

A few years ago I thought God was calling me to be part of a Church plant out of the church I was a member of.  I went, thinking, “THIS IS IT!!!”  I went expecting great things.  Spiritual highs.  That I would come into my own, better understanding my giftedness…more fully living in that giftedness.  Sure God did great things (and is doing great things) with that Church, but I’m no longer apart of it.  I helped start it and in the process wandered into a very difficult season spiritually.  I’m not sure if I can even pin point what or why, but I know that I was there…I probably still am in that season, to some extent.  I eventually and prayerfully took a “break” from that church and sought God on my own.  Now I’m getting to know a new church.  I do not have a better understanding of my giftedness.  I am not walking on the spiritual highs that I once new.  But I *think* I’m still walking in God’s will.  I guess, I sort of wonder if this is similar to Abraham…that God is leading and guiding me to a place I do not yet know.

For the past 24 hours or so I’ve been wondering this…what if the place isn’t so much a “place” what if it’s a state of being?  What if our lives with God are not so much about that place or that ministry he calls us to, but the journey we have between now and the day we are called home to heaven?  And if it is a journey, then why do I continue to live…waiting for that next big thing to happen…thinking, “if only x, y, or z were to come to be, then I would finally be there…the person I was created to be in the place I was created for?

I’m pushing toward the idea that we are created for God’s Glory, we are continually being redeemed to become the people he created us to be (pure and without sin) so that we might ultimately be with him eternally…and that would be in heaven.  And if this is the case, then perhaps all that happens, whether it be the decisions we make daily (both big and small) or him moving sovereignly through divine appointments and positions we are continually being formed and transformed throughout life…throughout this journey toward the heart of God.

AND if this life is such a journey, I would say that one of the things we must do is understand that each step or season or time in our life requires reflection and discernment in order to see and begin to understand God’s role.  Maybe it’s too much or naive of us to think that we can fully understand how God is working in those very moments.  I mean, sometimes I think we know, but if we’re really honest I think we have no idea.

Take the disciples…for example.  They walked with Jesus, talked with Jesus, ate, drank and ministered with God himself.  Yet, even in the days leading up to his death, Jesus reminded them that though he’s telling them things, they will not fully understand until they come to be…and when the Holy Spirit comes to them, they will begin to fully understand what Jesus was really teaching (pulling from various scriptures in John 10-16 and recent discussions with friends).  It wasn’t until they had the ability to look back and remember their journey in hindsight that they would fully understand what they were being taught in those very moments.

These ideas have led me to reflect on the past year and more…to seek out and try to understand God’s presence and teaching during one of the more spiritually distressful seasons I’ve ever faced in the short 9 years I have followed Jesus.  As I walked through these times, I focused on prayers that seemed unanswered, situations that were more difficult than what I thought I deserved, and the fact that no matter what I tried to do…I seemed to stay stuck in a rut.  Now that I’m taking the time to really reflect…I’m beginning to see God’s hand of protection and comfort…sometimes seen in the alone times I spent with Him and His word…sometimes administered through friends who I’ve grown to love and appreciate far more than I realized in those very moments.  I see a strengthening of discernment.  I see growth of character…and perhaps new areas that need work, areas that I was previously blind to.  I can’t say that I completely understand all the implications of this season (as I said, I don’t think I’m out of it yet), but it has only been through reflecting over the events and situations and struggles that I’m able to see God’s hand at work.

I’m not sure how to end this post other than to encourage anyone who reads this to take 15 or 30 minutes (or a few hours) to prayerfully reflect on your last year.  It’s the beginning of 2011…so it’s a good time to do this.  Reflect over the last year…all the good, bad and confusing and ask God to open your eyes to what He’s been doing, how he’s been moving.  It could be character flaws that need God’s transformation, it could be to point out significant people who’ve made a bigger influence on your life than you’ve realized, or it could be just to remind you that no matter how hard things got, God was there with you.  Write them down, and remember, and praise God for his work in your life.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that part of our ability to bring him Glory to the world around us is our own ability to recognize and rejoice in a Faithful and Active God who loves us beyond all human reason.

Start praying, reflecting and praising.  Happy New Year…

Simple Reminders That Bring Us To Our Knees

Posted by Amy W in Devotional, Jesus, life and tagged with , , , ,

I have been caught in a whirlwind.  Either that or it is just the reality of a life lived independently of God’s presence in my life.  Not that God is not present in my life, I’m speaking more specifically to the life we get caught within…the life where we move day in and day out without time, or thought, or actions necessary to nurture a relationship with God.  A life that I could personally (meaning for me) define as independent and self-sufficient.  Foolish.

Frustration.  Confusion.  A percieved disconnection from the body…from an authentic community that is thriving.  I can’t even remember where or when it started…how it has been sustained for so long.  I could also throw “busyness” into that mix as well.

At times recently I have wondered if God had given me over to my desires – desires for success, desires of the flesh, desires for and chasing after everything and anything that is not God.  I still wonder, honestly.

I can’t shake who I am, or so it seems.  I fight myself for so long…and eventually I just give up fighting and start living, as someone very close recently put it, “as if I just don’t give a f*ck”.

I do care.  Deep down I really, really do.

But within there is something that stirs and fights to maintain control of this life I’ve been given.  I work incredibly hard.  I work long hours, thinking that it might help me become someone worth something.

But in the midst of all this confusion, apathy…or spiritual lethargy, I forget so easily that already I am someone.  My name means Beloved, and I am.  Regardless of all that I’m not thinking, or doing, or praying…God is present in my life…working and perhaps even patiently waiting for me to slow down long enough to listen to his soft whisper.

I finally did…and in the midst of this song…somewhere, somehow I felt and heard that soft whisper, “I love you child.  I created you, all of you, and I love what I’ve created.”  I broke down.

I’m still caught in the whirlwind…the lethargic spiritual state that has defined the last year or more.  But I still heard.  For just a few minutes I remembered, and for now, that’s all I have to hold on to…at least until this season finally lifts.

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He’d say its not true
Cause your good

By John Mark McMillan

Women and Pornography – A Blind Spot in The Church

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, life, Sex, Uncategorized, women in ministry and tagged with , , , , , ,

I’m sure that it would come as no surprise to say that pornography is a rampant struggle in the church.  The industry revenues about $57 Billion worldwide and no one would dare say that the church is exempt from contributing to this.  The thing that might be a shocker, however, is the relevance of pornography and sexual addictions amongst women…and yes, this is especially true in the church.

Did you know that 1 out of every 3 people that access adult websites are women?

Did you know that 9.4 million women access adult sites each month?

Did you know that almost 20% of all women struggle with pornography (this equates to 1 out of every 5 or 6 women)

And you probably wouldn’t know any of this because about 70% of those women who are struggling with pornography are keeping their activities a secret.

My question is, if the statistics are so clear on whether or not women struggle with this, why has the church, for the most part, not yet addressed this issue?  For the last nine years I have sat in churches and listened to pastors speak about sin and temptation.  Whenever pornography is thrown out there it is always addressed to the men!  And what I mean is explicitly saying, “men…pornography…etc, etc, etc.”  When pornography is addressed with women, it is most often in the context of their response to the struggles that their husbands have.

Some might argue that women and pornography should not be addressed from the pulpit, but rather in the context of a women’s ministry.  Okay, I disagree…I think all sin, if it is being addressed from the pulpit, should not be spoken of or referenced as only applying to some people.  We are all filled with struggles, temptations, and sins of all types.  Why present them to the people attending as if it only applies to one specific type of person?  What about that one person who is not part of that select group, but carries the same struggle?  Do we lead them to believe that they are alone in this struggle?  Because that’s just what happens.  It breeds a sense of isolation and shame…which inevitably causes those struggles to become deep buried secrets in their lives…and when it’s buried deep, in secret, the potential for it to continue or even grow is granted.

Even in the context of women’s ministries, I have not seen this issue addressed adequately.  A few years ago I was asked to help facilitate a 1 day women’s conference.  The idea was to bring women together, young and old, to discuss ideas that are relevant to our identities in christ.  I was a youth leader at the time so I lead the breakout session for the pre-teens and teens.  My co-facilitator had the breakout session for the older women.  During her session she brought up the topic of pornography and masterbation.  Several of the more outspoken women in the group were not at all receptive, and actually repulsed by the idea that she felt the need to address those issues with them.  What?  Really?  I am discouraged to say that this attitude is only perpetuated by the church’s (as a whole) choice to only view pornography in a “men’s issue” vacuum.

The most discouraging aspect of the church not taking initiative or living in a bubble on this issue is that studies reveal that while less women than men are viewing pornography, the women are far more likely to act out on these temptations, engaging in sex with several partners, causal sex, and even affairs.  If the issue is not addressed, the church is only perpetuating the shame for those women who do struggle.  I have talked to many women about this…feeling alone, filled with shame, confused and stuck in their struggles.  Since it is not addressed, there seems, for them, to be no avenue for honesty about their sin, outlet to discuss and find accountability.

The reality is the statistics point to the fact that the one woman sitting in the church on sunday morning knowing her struggle is not as alone as she feels.  The pastor may be speaking about pornography to the men in the room, but she is not alone in her struggle.  She needs to know, as we all do with our private struggles, that she is not the only one…and that there is freedom and strength available to her first from God and second from a community of sisters that may not yet know what they can do for each other.

Why has the church not yet opened up this possibility for the women in their congregations?

Several years ago I went to Ghana to speak with teens about God.  During that time I had probably 20 or 30 different girls come up to me specifically asking for prayer over their interest in (and in some cases addictions to) pornography.  All of them told me that they had no one that they could talk to about this.  I think they came to me because I was a Godly women, but also a stranger, a person who did not know them well enough to judge them and would not be there long enough to ostracize them.  These were teenagers!  And I’m telling you, it’s not an isolated experience in Ghana…it is just as prevalent here on the home front.

I’m just venting this because after years of being in the church, discussions with other women and men…I realize that many if not most will voice the opinion that women are immune from pornography.  It’s a lie and I wish there was more of an avenue for these struggles to be worked through for women.  I think the starting point would be for the church to acknowledge and accept and “preach” the reality that sin and temptation does not attack based on race or gender, but that we are all susceptible…and we all have the same God who has sent His Son.  We all have access to transformation, regardless of what the struggle is…and regardless of who we are, man or woman.

A Mighty Hand to Hold

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus, Journey through the Psalms, Scripture and tagged with , , , ,

“The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand.
(Psalm 37:23-24)

It is a lie to believe that following Christ, or becoming a Christian is the end to all hard times and struggles.  The truth is, often the hard times, for some, appear to increase with Christ.  The struggles and temptations (now that the Holy Spirit has opened out eyes to their presence in our life) seem to bombard us.  And, if you’re anything like me, born again christians will eventually realize that even as a follower of Christ, they will continue to sin.

A little stressed and confused, this verse became sweet encouragement to my eyes.  The reality of God establishing our steps points to His Soverignty in our lives.  Now, while I do believe God can and will give us over to our sinful desires for a season, God’s soverignty is often at work guiding and directing our lives…sometimes the path is clear and free…sometimes the path is rocky and hard to see.  Nonetheless, God is still there guiding the steps we take.

Vs. 24 is pretty sweet too…it starts out “though he fall”.  UH, hello….we’re talking about the “righteous” in this section…and yes, even the righteous fall.  As Christians parts of our journey will be difficult to traverse.  We might not even want to move forward for the uncertainty in our footing scares us.  The incredible thing is that regardless of our inevitable “fall” or stumble (as my version puts it) God’s hand is there to hold us up.  It is strong, mighty, and ever-present.

When that happens, what happens to the righteous?  I can’t help but imagine that it’s the blood of Christ working as we stumble along.  David tells us that the righteous will not be cast headlong.  Even as we stumble, once considered righteous in the eyes of God…he will not cast us out.

I love this.  in a Psalm that spends it’s 40 verses contrasting the righteous and wicked…David tells us that once God has grabbed our hand, He’s not letting go.  How is that possible?  Well, back to Christ.  It’s through him that we are made righteous, nothing we can do on our own will elevate us to the status of “righteous”.  I might also challenge that the opposite is true – once covered in the Blood of Christ, nothing we do has the ability to nullify the righteousness granted by Christ.  It is only through God’s grace, Christ and faith that we are made clean, and I’m not sure if we can out-do (on either end of the spectrum) the work that He has done.  When (and yes…we most certainly will) we stumble, God’s hand will continue to hold up His Child…thanks to the Blood of Christ.   No other hand has that kind of redeeming and sanctifying power…it’s only by God and through God that we are able to remain “righteous”…and we should rest assured in that reality…especially when we walk (or stumble) along those rockier parts of our journey.

Child Phobias and Church Consumerism

Posted by Amy W in Church Planting and tagged with , , , , , ,

Considering how my last church plant update spoke of my new church taking me out of my comfort zone of being around singles to being around many young families, I thought it would be appropriate to update on my first day volunteering with our children’s Sunday School.   

Let me set the stage, my church is about 27 adults, too many kids to count, and we meet in a house.  The adults have church in the living room, the kids have Sunday school in the dining and second living room.  Today, I was volunteered to do the kids church (I’d like to say I saw the need and rose to the occasion, but really, I stepped up because I was specifically asked to do it).  I was nervous, not knowing what we were studying and not wanting to mess anything up, I walked in to a story, a few questions, and a not-yet-defined craft project.  Things went okay for most of the morning, I had a great helper who got snacks and helped me as needed.  Then…almost as if they had devised this sneaky little plan…one by one, each one of the youngest kids had to use the potty.  

Okay, story time I can handle.  Craft time, snack time, play time…I get it.  BUT POTTY TIME…what am I supposed to do with that??  Was this part of the deal?  Seriously!

I mean, how much do I help…  

Do I help at all? 
Do you wipe? 
Do they wipe? 
Do I wipe? 
I don’t know!!! 

You wouldn’t think that something as simple as a bathroom break would send me over the edge, but it did.  By the time the last one looked at me and told me he got peepee on his pants, I nearly lost it.  I thought it was my fault for not knowing how much help these kids needed to go potty. And now, I had to face the parents, asking for a spare set of pants and underwear.      

I never realized how scary it can be to be pushed beyond your comfort zone.  I’ve gone to other countries, stepped into places and towns and felt a change or discomfort that was so much more manageable than feeling utterly clueless with those kids and their active bladders today.  Even as the pastor smiled at me being pushed into the “unknown”, anxiety fought within me to bring tears to the surface (for the record, I didn’t cry…this time). 

After church, as we fellowshipped over salad, I listened as the pastor spoke about the consumerist mentality of church that exists today.  Specifically how we’re all walking out of that environment into a house church that will only survive if we learn to rely and support each other.  There is a culture change that must happen – from the consumer mentality to one that is humble and service focused.  With the anxiety of my morning was still fresh, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of conviction when the pastor made his comment.  Okay, maybe not so much a “twinge”, maybe it was more like a punch!  After all, I haven’t jumped at the opportunity to serve my church.  I bring food each week, but that has gone from a thing I love to an action I almost loathe because it’s now expected of me.  I only do kids church if they ask me.  Maybe I’m not as much of a servant as I thought I was… 

This afternoon, being pushed to walk through my discomfort and serve my church with the kids, I realized something about myself.  I’ve talked so much and criticized the modern church for its consumerism.  The consumers go on Sunday Morning, and church administrators make sure the right programs are in place to feed them.  I have criticized this so much…only to realize today that I am that church.  I am the consumer.  I am the Christian who looks at Sunday service for what I can get out of it and not for what the body needs.  I have this sense of entitlement that my needs must be first met before I can really work to meet the needs around me.  I am the Christian who can look around and see all that’s wrong in the world around her…and completely miss how well she actually blends in.  The amusing thing is that it took a 2 yr old with wet pants to finally open my eyes to that reality.

 Oh Lord, please take this heart of mine.  God it seems so off and so far from what you would have.  Please forgive my self-centeredness.  Please help me to embrace this church with the mission of bringing the promise and experience of your redemption and kingdom to those in my midst.  Please take my eyes away from the mirror and place their focus on your heart.  Please God.  Please.