Tag Archives: God

Orphan Care and Short-Term Missions – Friend or Foe?

Posted by Amy W in Missions and tagged with , , , , , , ,

So this is another little note/reflection about my recent trip to Haiti.

As my supporters know, my heart and prayers leading up to the trip were for the girls in the orphanage.  I was hoping and praying that God would show up, someway, somehow with the older girls that I would meet.

So I get there and the first day, we go to a park where all the kids are playing.  I see a group of girls gathered together.  Having prayed for them for weeks prior, I thought it was a perfect opportunity to break the ice.  I walked up and tried to have a conversation with them.   Let me tell you, these girls were tough.  They didn’t really seem like they wanted to talk to me, or the other women from my team who followed me over a few minutes later.  I’m not gonna lie…it was a little awkward.

Eventually, games started up and we all went on our merry little way…

That night as I journaled and prayed, I asked God, “what happened?”  I mean, I had been praying for these girls…and I got walls and distance from them.  Perhaps in their minds, we were just like most other people who would come in for a short time and leave.  Their apparent distance made sense, but it didn’t help my feelings of “defeat”, so to speak.

Over the next several days there was one girl, Oline, who continued to come across my path.  She was younger, and so would have been off my radar (according to “my plans)  if it hadn’t been for the fact that she approached me to say hello and she spoke English fairly well.  Also, she had distinctive barrettes in her hair, so every time after that first encounter I would not only remember her name, but also her face.  Whenever I saw her I made a point to talk to her…often teasing and joking with her about climbing trees and eating the fruits from the trees.

Thursday was a holiday so we hung out with the girls at the girls’ home.  Oline, came over and sat with me holding a picture book that some other team had made for the kids.  She showed me the pictures and told me about the kids and people in the book.  When she closed the book, she saw something written and began to read it to me.

The passage was Isaiah 61.  She stumbled on a few words and asked me how to pronounce them.  After a line or two…and at each line or two she would stop and ask me what it meant.  Isaiah 61 is about Jesus, so I was able to talk to her a little about that and tell her about Jesus and what he wanted to do with the people who believed in Him.  Later that afternoon we took the kids to a nearby park.  Wearing the proper shoes, I decided that I would climb the trees with her.  While climbing our 2nd tree she started to ask me about my family back home.  I shared with her that my dad left my mom before I was born and that my mom had gotten really sick and died when I was 14.  She also asked about my brothers and sisters…I told her I had none.  Since she asked me the question, I thought it was okay at that time to ask her the same questions.  She told me that her mom had gotten sick and died also…I’m guessing that’s part of the story behind her being at the orphanage.  By this point other kids were climbing up the tree and wanting to talk to us so I let that conversation come to a close, without going any further.

Later that afternoon, we had all gone over to the swings and were swinging and talking.  At one point she asked if I would be at summer camp that summer.  I told her no and that I had to go home  in a few days.  She looked down at the ground and ran off.

I had other encounters with her and she hung out with me listening to music for a while the next day…our last full day there, but I’ll never forget her response to that last question.  And this is what has me perplexed now.

I think about the responses of many of the older girls and Oline’s seeming disappointment when I told her I had to go home in a few days.  I can’t help but wonder where the value lies in short-term mission teams working with Orphans.  Granted, our team did much to help the ministry in very tangible ways, but with the kids themselves, do short-term teams just perpetuate the reality that many of them have learned throughout their lives – that people will come and go?  Will short-term teams just encourage their self-preservation and defense mechanisms, making it more difficult for them to trust and learn about authentic community?  I see the relationships that the long-term workers have with the kids and it’s really good…and I think the Lord uses that greatly in the lives of these kids and I know the Lord is sovereign and wanted us there (without a doubt), but I still struggle with the impacts of these short-term mission teams working at orphanages.

I have a good friend who works with World Orphans.  Him and his wife are preparing to go to Thailand in 2012 to do similar work, only for long-term.  I can’t wait to work through these thoughts and ideas with them.  Maybe it’s just my own inner turmoil because of how God has wired me to serve His People and how I typically approach lay ministry and missions in general…or perhaps there is something to this that is valid.  Right now I’m not sure.  I am so thankful for those conversations I had with Oline.  And I’m thankful for the encounters I had with all the girls – The LORD opened my eyes to things that I’m not going to share in this post.  All of it was good, even though I had to take myself and my hopes/plans/expectations/agenda out of the picture in order to see it.

This is the part (or story) of my trip that kills me in a ministry sense, knowing and having a passion for growth and Godly transformation that must occur over a longer time, but only being present for a week in the lives of these kids.  This is a take-away and “struggle” that I wasn’t expecting, but continue to process through now that I’ve had this experience.

They Have Names…Just Like Us

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Jesus, life, Missions and tagged with , , , , , ,

This is one of what may be several posts on my recent trip to Haiti.  I was impacted and challenged in ways far beyond what I expected, and continually find myself drawn back to what I experienced…seeking God’s purpose in it all…this is one story about one kid I met while I was there.

Earlier this year I was taking an International Business Class.  Our big project for this class was to study and present on a hot topic in the realm of international business.  One of my teammates suggested that we use “human trafficking” as our topic of study.  As a christian I know such injustices exist and immediately jumped on the idea.  I only really thought of sex trafficking, as that seems to be the most widely thought of when it comes to modern-day slavery.  To research the project I dug through the CNN Freedom Project website and read Disposable People – New Slavery in the Global Economy by Kevin Bales, and referenced Sex Trafficking – Inside the business of Modern Slavery by Siddharth Kara.  I also read Good News About Injustice by Gary Haugen.  It was also during this time that I had been praying about and finally decided to go on the mission trip to Haiti.

It is estimated that about  27 Million slaves exist today, most of which are women and children.  I was surprised to find out that Haiti had its own form of slavery; they are called restavecs.

Fast forward to June 23.  I was climbing trees with one of the girls in the orphanage (I’ll share about her in another post).  We started in one tree…got yelled at because we seemed to attract older kids to a park that was meant for younger kids.  We relocated to a second tree, just as climbable, but closer to the “big kid” playground.  After 5 minutes or so in this tree…several other kids followed up after us.  Seriously, these kids are like monkeys!  They definitely put my tree climbing abilities to shame.  I’ll blame it on my age :-)

Most of the other kids climbed up, but quickly jumped back down.  One kid, however, lingered in the trees with us.  He didn’t speak English, and the only word I could understand from him was belle, which means pretty.  Ti-Junior, was everywhere all week.  If we were with the orphanage kids (as was the case that day) he was there.  If we were at the feeding program (meant for the neighborhood kids) he was there.  If we were traveling through the neighborhood…he was there.  All week this kid (along with a few others) would show up.  I never knew who he was…local, orphanage kid, or what.

In the tree that day, however, I started to see a different side of him.  He braided my hair, and pretty much kept his hand on my arm.  It wasn’t weird or creepy at all…just childlike affection.  When I got out of the tree to sit on the swings, he followed…holding my hand and wanting to push me or be pushed on the swings.

After a few minutes, the “house mom” for the boys home came over.  She’s american, so I was able to ask her what Ti-Junior’s story was.  The other kids that were in the trees came over and were able to translate so that we could understand more of his story.

Basically this kid was a restavec who was able to run away and become free again.  His parents died, we think, in the earthquake that hit Haiti in 2010.  Apparently, he was found by a man who lets him sleep in a school each night, having to leave in the mornings before students arrive.  He’s 11 years old and has no one, and the fact that the man allows him to not sleep on the streets is a blessing.  Right now Child Hope doesn’t have room to bring him in, but according to the house mom, they have their eyes on him for when space opens up for more kids.

As the house mom shared with me his story, everything started to make sense.  I have no idea when the last time was that this little boy felt the hug of a mother or was ever told that he was loved…or even felt love.   I couldn’t help but wonder what goes on in his mind over the hand he’s been dealt in this life.  My heart broke.  It still breaks.  I can only hope that he felt the love of Christ as we played in the trees and on the swings…That he feels loved by the staff that remains in Haiti and by the other blancs (white people/americans) that come on short-term trips.

When I got back to the guest house that night it was time for dinner, but immediately afterward I ran up and sat on the roof.  I needed to be away from others so that I could just breathe and process the hurt I felt for this kid.  I must have cried for a total of 3 hours that night…praying, talking to God and sharing his story with my teammates.

I had studied the crazy reality of modern slavery, I presented on it…wrote about it.  I knew going there, that the issue was real.  I knew some of the kids in the orphanage were ex-restavecs.  But none of that fully prepared me for the moment that one of those kids went from being a statistic to being a real kid…a kid with a name, holding my arm, smiling back as I smiled at him.  In that moment I realized that each person that makes up that statistic has a name.  They are real.  They are like all other kids, wanting/needing affection and attention.  They want to know that they are loved and special.  Even as I type this, I’m not sure that I can do justice to the emotion welling up inside…nor to the gravity that this one experience…this one kid…has produced in my life.

One of the scariest, but often most rewarding things we can pray is to ask God to give us the eyes to see what he sees and the heart to feel what he feels toward the people we encounter.  I pray that often…and prayed it every day leading up to and during my time in Haiti.  Ti-Junior was just one example of how that prayer was answered during this trip.  My heart breaks for that little kid, but I would have it no other way.  I feel helpless in looking at his situation, but I know it has/will change me forever…even if I’m just barely scratching the surface at what that change is today.  God used him in an incredible way, I can only pray that one day he will know and believe the Love that our Heavenly Father has for him…that he would realize he IS special, regardless of what lies the enemy may feed him as he processes the circumstances that have come to define his life thus far.

Reflecting On God’s Faithfulness

Posted by Amy W in Christianity, Devotional, Jesus, Scripture, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , ,

There are times when I think I struggle with believing God.  I mean, I believe in Him, but sometimes it’s hard to believe Him for His promises…and to believe Him to fulfill the desires that are so actively resting within me.

At work today I had two different conversations that led to people asking about my life, my family…where I’ve come from.  I also had someone ask specifically how I went from being an atheist to a Christian.  These types of things don’t often come up, at least not at work.  As an educated and articulate woman, the outward appearance of my life doesn’t often reflect what I’ve come from.  Most would never know until they ask these deeper, more personal questions.  Sure, people know that I’m a Christian, but usually that’s because they know I do crazy things like spend my vacations serving in places like Haiti.  Or they know because of our debates on whether or not my conviction to only date Christian men is a “right” conviction or “too high of a standard”.  It’s rare in that environment that I’m able to provide context around why I feel so strongly that the life I live today is purely by the Grace of God.  The fact that I’m alive today and have the opportunities that I have is a direct reflection of God’s sovereignty, power and ability to change lives.  Today was a little different.  It was hard, because I never know what they’re thinking when I share my reality with them, but it was also pretty cool to live through the opportunity of sharing more with them.

Then, this evening I walked down to the docks to sit and chat with a friend.  While I was there another guy that I know just because he’s a local came over and sat with us.  This is a guy that I prayed for feverently for the first year or two that I lived in this neighborhood.  He’s a nice guy that I’d had random conversations with…about life and God and beliefs and what not.  The last time I saw him was about 2 months ago.  He walked by, and coldly ignored me when I said hi to him.  He had lost over 50 lbs.  From the looks of him, I knew he was shooting heroine.  I was sad that he ignored me, but sadder still at the realization of how much trouble he was in…drowning in his addiction.  Today he looked better.  He shared with us the fact that he’d been clean for 2 weeks.  My suspicions were correct from the last time I saw him, but he’s now going to meetings a few times a day, every day.  He’s still unsure of what higher being is over this world, but He is earnestly trying to get clean and stay that way.  Eventually,  our conversation led to how faithful God is and how much of a blessing life is…especially when we’re giving second chances…the second chance that he’s now starting to live in.  He recognizes the gift of life that he’s been given, and though he remains unsure of Jesus and the Lord,  I was so glad to talk to him and to celebrate his two weeks of sobriety.

Tonight as I was reading the Word and meditating on the day’s events, I was brought back to the idea of God’s faithfulness.  God is able to do so much in our lives…and with our lives…no matter the pit that we start from or find ourselves in.  God has literally built my life from ashes…despair, anger and regret.  I can see the power he has exhibited in my life and so many lives of the brothers and sisters I meet.  Conviction sneaks in as I realize the steadfastness of his love and my lingering doubt of what God can and will do in this life.  Sometimes it’s difficult to believe God for what he is currently doing, when we can’t see the finished product before our eyes.  yet we must!  Hebrews 11 states it this way:

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” 

After reading this tonight my ADHD eyes shot up a few lines prior to Hebrews 10 where I read this:

“Therefore brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus…and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for he who is promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (vs. 19-25)

We have a God who is so faithful, loving, and forgiving.  He has been at work in our lives and continues to move in accordance with his pleasure and will.  He desires to bless those who continually seek him earnestly (Heb. 11:6).  It may be difficult to believe him when the resolve seems no where in sight, but as the one who stands unchanged…His past faithfulness in our lives serves as an indicator that He who began a good work in us will continue it to its full completion (Phil 1:6).  When unbelief sets in, how rewarding it is to remember and praise him for the Work we have already seen him complete…may that stir us on to believe for those things not yet seen in their completed form…as Hebrews 11:1 states…THIS is faith.

“for the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you and my covenant of peace shall not be removed says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” (Isaiah 54:10).  

Back From Haiti

Posted by Amy W in life, Missions and tagged with , , , ,

I came home from Haiti last night.  It was about 11:45 PM or so when I walked in the door.  I dragged myself out of bed this morning to go to church.  Walking there I noticed that about half of my 10 minute walk to church included a trail of blood stains, culminating (at least for me, in the direction I was walking) with a large splatter of blood.  I’m thinking the point at which the fight…or most likely the stabbing occurred.  When I walked out of church, I found myself surrounded by men in skirts…or Kilts as they are formally called.  Apparently the annual Irish Festival is happening in my town today.  I went into Starbucks…unable to decide what coffee I wanted to order.  Now I sit quietly at home, doing laundry…and trying to process what I just experienced with my team…and with God in Haiti.  Tomorrow I go back to work. Apparently life didn’t stop because I left the US for a week to share God’s love with others.

Haiti connected with my heart in a way that rivaled the feelings I experienced in Japan…as no other trip or place has in the past.  Maybe I’m tired, or maybe it will take a little while to actually make sense of the things I struggle to find words to express today.  Was it always this hard?

Hopefully over the next few posts I will be able to share my experience in Haiti…the eyes that God gave me.  The moments His Spirit came alive.  As well as the lessons that The Lord wove into my heart.

The only thing I really know for sure is that the descent into our first US airport ushered in a sense of sadness.  This is usually the case for me.  I never feel like this is home, but I have to leave that with God to reconcile for Himself.

Longing For A Thimble

Posted by Amy W in Dating & Relationships, life, singleness and tagged with , , , , ,

In his sermon, Single In Christ, John Piper builds up an argument for us to take earthly marriage off the pedestal on which we’ve placed it and realize greatness of the eternal inheritance God has placed in front of us.  My guess is that this was part of a marriage series, the end of which, he had to address the singles in his congregation.

After building up his position for the greatness of our spiritual family and the spiritual offspring one may have, regardless of their relationship status, he closes with this simple, but enormous point:

“The main point of this message is that God promises those who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of [earthly] marriage and children.  Now, if someone should ask, as I did, “How about both? Wouldn’t it be better to have both the blessings of marriage and children and the eternal blessings?”  There are two answers to that question. One is that you will learn sooner or later, and you may as well learn now, that the blessings of being with Christ in heaven are so far superior to the blessings of being married and raising children that to ask this question, Wouldn’t it better to have both? is like asking, “If you’re going to give me the ocean, can’t I have a thimble as well?” It does lose some of its force. You just need to see heaven. You need to see Christ better than we see him to keep things in proper perspective. That’s the first answer. Can I have a thimble with the Pacific Ocean?”

Did you get that?  Earthy Marriage is to our eternal realities in Christ as the addition of a thimble would be if you were being given the Pacific Ocean.  That is, small, relatively inconsequential when compared to the greater gift of our Spiritual inheritance.

It’s hard to keep that as a perspective when we see so much marriage, and so little of our eternal realities.  It’s hard when we’re asked to trust that God is holding us when we feel no tangible arms around us.  Piper doesn’t for an instance say that it’s the easier path, but he does highlight the reality that marriage on earth is temporary…and desiring the temporary over what carries eternal implications for our lives and the lives of others is just a tad bit silly.

I may not really get the vastness of Heaven in a full experiential sense, but I certainly understand the comparison of a thimble and the ocean…the analogy makes me stop in my tracks.

He closes his sermon this way:

“The second answer to the question is that both marriage and singleness present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for sanctification. Unique, not the same, different—but both important. There will be unique rewards for each, and which is better will depend not on whether you were married or single, but on how you respond to the circumstance in which you live.

So I say it again: To all singles in Christ who will remain that way long-term, God promises you blessings in the age to come that are better—far better—than the blessings of marriage and children. And that brings some responsibility and calling with it. If you think what I’m saying here is a license to extend adolescence to 25 and 30 and 35 while you play computer games and don’t take up your cause for Christ or lay your life down for him with all this time you have, you don’t understand anything I’ve said. I am summoning singles to a radical devotion to Jesus Christ, which means grow up and become a spiritual dad at 25 and, if God wills, be single for the rest of your life. Become a mother of a spiritual family at the age 25.  Disciple spiritual children who are born not of going to bed with a guy. The strongest, most Christ-like single is the one who is virgin until death, and may it be so for many. What a glory. What a reward. The world will tell you that it’s a waste. The world doesn’t know anything. If you’re buying into what the world says, then you’re gone.”